Sorry I am being emo and this is what you get!

I have been hurt by so many people lately
that I don't even feel whole any more
like a cracked vase that you cant repair
because these scars will always be visible
I built up all these walls
all these networks of friends
something to cover up my insecurities
something to make me believe I belong here at
I thought I belonged here
I thought I had friends
Why then do I feel so alone?
It seems like everyone has found someone
But me.
alone.

Living list

1.    Visit Africa

2.    Visit Greece

3.    See Mount Kilimanjaro

4.    Visit the rock and roll hall of fame

5.    Visit Brazil and the rain forest

6.    See a world cup soccer game live

7.    Fall in love

8.    Adopt kids/ Foster parent

9.    Stand up for something I believe in

10. Make a positive difference in someone's life

11. Make new friends

12. Learn a new skill

13. Learn how to screen print

14.  Speak in front of a large crowd

15. Tell my life’s story to a stranger

16. Visit one of Mother Teresa’s Orphanages

17. Visit Mother Teresa’s Orphanage in Calcutta

18. Go sky diving

19. Go paintballing

20. Go rafting

21. Go kayaking

22. Back pack across Colorado

23. Go on a road trip

24. See Alaskan polar bears

25. Overcome a fear

26. Be on TV for something great I have done

27. Get my teaching license

28. Get a tattoo

29. Learn sign language

30. See all 7 wonders of the world

31. Break a record

32. Tour Europe

33. Volunteer abroad for at least one year

34. Watch all the 100 greatest movies of all time

35. See the sunset and sunrise at the monument

36. Learn to snow board

37. Take a photography class

38. Learn to play the drums

39. Give someone a hair cut

40. Paint a picture

41. Collect over 500 vinyl records

42. Make an Extreme cake

43. Own my own dog

44. Meet  one of my idols

45. Listen to every song on my I tunes in one sitting

46. Read the entire Bible from cover to cover

47. Perform a slam poem in front of an audience

48. Give an important speech in front of a large crowd

49. Visit the original Starbucks

50. Learn video editing

51. Stand in two places at once

52. Climb a 14er

53. See a meteor shower

54. Raft the Nile river

55.  Spend Christmas morning at a homeless shelter

56. Write a song that gets performed 57. Visit Salvation Mtn. (Slab City,CA) 58. See burning man 59. Learn to ride a bike 60. Buy a strangers grocery 61. Tell a secret to a stranger 62. Exercise everyday for 1 mo. 63. Appreciate chess 64. Win a game of monopoly 65. Participate in a rally 66. Organize the largest game of musical chairs 67. Play HVZ 68. Play capture the flag 69. Street perform and make money to donate 70. Dance like CRAZY in public 71. Go rock climbing  72. Get paid to do something I love 73. Successfully be a vegetarian  74. Plant a tree 75. Visit the bus where Christopher McCandeless lived 76. Find a geochache on every Continent 77. Study Abroad in New Zealand 78. Do free hugs 79. Pick the winning team for the world cup 80. Give this list to my husband 81. Get a song written about/ for me 82. Become published 83. Take a photo every day for a year  84. Attend a cycling class 85. Meet Andrea Gibson 86. This one is a SECRET 87. Train seeing eye dogs 88. Go bungee jumping 89. Play disc golf 90. Enter a paddle boarding competition

You have to swim past your comfort zone in order to catch the wave of a life time!

I am looking into doing a study abroad!

(Seriously!)

I really want to go to

New Zealand...

more specifically I really want to go to 

Massey University- Palmerston North!

My school is hooked up with ISEP a program that would let me apply to a school in a different country and possibly pay Mesa State tuition. The school I am looking into however says the chance if paying the exchange rate (or MSC rate) is not likely thus it would be a lot more expensive!!!! (Next step is to apply and see what I would have to pay if i get accepted then convince my parents it is a very valuable experience that will help me in the future!)

I have also been in contact with my brothers girlfriend who did a semester abroad in NZ. She said it was defiantly worth it and she would do it again! She traveled through the program Austra-learn (the other program I looked into) this program however is a lot more expensive! I have been thinking about it a lot these past couple of days and feel in my heart that doing this next year would be the right decision. I have been praying that if God wants me there then he will open up the right doors for me and reveal his plan! The thought of exploring, discovering a new country, learning abroad and being considered an international student excites me!

I WANT TO GO...

NEW ZEALAND 2010 OR 2011BABY!

The last lines of my last poem are from

Invictus- William Ernest Henly

I will leave this room
I will step into the unknown
The grass plush beneth my feet
Kicking the ball
to the beat of my heart
The kick off whistle blows
I start to sweat
I stand in the same spot
as the men and the women before me
who have conquored this field
This moment is pure bliss
Yet I am nervous as hell
The bright sun beats down upon me
like a million rays watching me, judging me
As soon as I kick the ball
I am free
I am unstoppable
I am my own hero
"I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul (invictus)"