Grasp the simplicity of reality

Our lives are mostly small with a few peaks, but even the peaks seem smaller as the years go by. God's way is to lead us into faithfulness in little. It’s the steady culmination of these faithful, small deeds that makes our lives dynamic and great. It comes down to loving the people right in front of you, serving when no one is looking, remaining loyal to the truth and maintaining a perpetual dialogue with God through His word. Really, all the hype is just that, hype.... But once you grasp the simplicity of reality, it's glorious.- Misty Edwards

Scenes from a Greyhound Bus - A Snovel written for my Nature Writing class

“Were happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time; it’s miserable it’s magical oh yeah”     -Taylor Swift, Twenty-Two

            With $60 in her pocket she pays the man $38 at the ticket booth. She waits patiently while her ticket prints out, grabs it and sits near the bus gate until her departure is called. This is a place she knows well having traveled across Colorado by bus throughout her late teens and twenties. She recalls a ride from Grand Junction where an obnoxious drunk on the back of the bus caused the driver to stop- all she wanted was to see her dad one last time; or when the tire popped and the passengers were left waiting, as fluffy white flakes drifted lazily from the sky, for over 3 hours until a new bus arrived. This type of travel can be exhausting, but there is nothing like the scenic beauty from a bus window, the uncertainty because your fate is in another man’s hands and the awkward closeness of sharing such magical mountain moments with complete strangers.  Today she has somewhere to be but riding the bus brings a solace to her. It’s where all the major moments in her life have occurred.

“Bus 302 heading west towards California” is announced over the intercom but it sounds more like “Buhhh threeohto heed wef to calif”. Luckily, she is fluent in intercom voice so she heads to the line to check bags and get on.

She stands up situating her backpack--it is the only item she brought. A carry on, filled with a camera, a notebook, pens, colored pencils, a Bible, head phones, sparkly white flats, and of course her veil neatly folded  and pressed. Her dress and other necessities were taken to the Church in Glenwood Springs ahead of time. She takes the window seat front row. She has identified what type of people sit in the back, the middle, the front. She feels safest behind the bus driver. The bus pulls slowly out of the gate, a loud thud and onto the busy downtown scene. They head south on 19^th street toward Curtis as the buzz of the city lulls several passengers to sleep.

The driver announces, “Welcome aboard folks! Looks like we have lovely weather today should be an easy pass through the mountains. Our first drop off point will be in Idaho Springs, then Frisco and then a 5 minute stretch break in Vail. There is no alcohol allowed on the buses you can have your Colorado Kool-Aid aka Coors Beer when you depart at your stop. Settle in and be kind to one another.”

            She stares out the window as they pass the sky rises eventually hopping onto Interstate 70 as the passengers leave fleeting memories of Green Mountain and pass the road signs for Red Rocks Amphitheater- “a geological phenomenon [it is] the only naturally-occurring, acoustically perfect amphitheater in the world.” She remembers in vivid detail the first concert she ever saw there. She was in 8^th grade and her dad took her to see Los Lonely Boys. Her memories consist of the little things, like the smell of Coors Beer on her dad’s breath, the low whistle of the amp situated in front of them or the way the moon light reflected off of the rocks giving the whole place an auburn aura. The skyline behind her disappears. It is 7am and the sun is playing peek-a-boo behind the mountains as the bus heads in that direction.  She puts her head phones on to avoid the distractions of the heavy breathers and soft humming of the bus engine.

The sun is now blaring into her line of vision causing her to shade her eyes with one hand. About an hour and a half into the trip the bus pulls over at a small park in Idaho springs, Colorado. This town is known for its historic mining as a part of the Pikes Peak Gold Rush in 1859. She recalls coming here every summer of her childhood. Her family loved to raft on the Clear Creek River. She was 12 the first time she hopped in a raft and paddled on what seemed like monstrous waves, 10 to 20 times her size. In reality it was only class 1 rapids merely ripples in the water. None the less, when she fell into the freezing water that first day her mother about had a heart attack. That day you would have seen her mother waling her oar in the air, arms flapping wildly, almost knocking the guide off the boat yelling, “My baby, my baby! Help!” She remembered the basic training; lie on your back and float down stream with the water. She could feel the scares amounts of fish pooling beneath the weight of her heavy body. A rough hand clutched her wrist, it was her fathers, and she knew she would be okay. They went back three times that summer and every summer thereafter until she moved away. It is a place filled with fond memories of water fights, family bonding and growing up like a fish in the water. She craved the rushing swells over the boulder rocks, the drone of paddling in motion eventually working her way up to class 4-5 rapids. She could feel her fathers hand clutching her wrist as the bus began to move. It was comforting—the thought that he was there with her.

The bus pulled back onto the interstate and to the right she saw her favorite Beau Jo’s Pizza- the place her family always went to wind down from an intense sun soaked, water filled day. On this day the river is low and the rocks protrude from the creek bed. Rafting season is over and low levels make it impossible to ride despite the still warm weather.

Off to the left in the distance she can see Mount Evans which is covered in snow this time of year. It was the first 14er she ever climbed. Her memory of the actual hike, the grueling amount of time it took her to shuffle up the mountain that looked over the vast expanse of Colorado, was clouded. She remembers that day clearly because it was on the bus ride home when she received a call from her mother.

“Honey, I don’t want to worry you too much but your father is in the hospital. He’s pretty sick and I think you need to come visit him when you get back to Denver from your hike. We love you; call us when you get in.” Click and the message went dead.

It was the first time her dad got really sick. After that the calls became regular and the shock wore off.

The bus continues to weave up the I-70 Mountain transient eventually passing the continental divide traveling through the stretch of the Eisenhower tunnel. The tunnel was completed in 1979 allowing easier travel through the mountains- it is the longest mountain tunnel in the US and the highest on the Interstate Highway system. She remembers as a kid trying to hold her breath throughout the entire length of the tunnel as the orange florescent light blinded her vision, making the tunnel seem longer and more enclosed.

She aimlessly stares out the window noticing how the mountain pine beetle was slowly killing the expanse of the once beautiful, lush green Colorado trees. It saddens her to see the trees turning a burnt rust color, the branches cracked, and its life gone. She unconsciously plays with the engagement ring on her finger slowly realizing that in just a few short hours her life will begin anew.

The bus nears Vail—a high class ski town with houses in the millions of dollars—the last drop off point before her final destination. As a young child her parents took her skiing on the Vail bunny hill ski slope. It only took her one run to know it wasn’t for her but she watched in awe as herds of skiers danced, swiveling, and turning leaving tracks in the snow racing towards the bottom of the hill. Her dad was one of them—a weekend winter warrior whose grace grazed the powder almost every weekend during ski season. This is also the place where she first met her fiancé. “Fiancé” she said it aloud and giggled anxiously catching weird looks from her bus neighbors.

Her heart begins to flutter with excitement. Just like the first time they met re-creating it almost exactly. The bus pulls off at the local ‘Cum and go’. An emphatic thud and she knows that in a few moments her soon to be husband will enter the bus. She can’t ditch the huge smile spreading across her face.

It was only six months before when she was taking the same route via bus from her father’s funeral back to school in Grand Junction at Colorado Mesa University. She had slept through the Vail stop that time and when she woke up the bus was just outside of Glenwood Springs. A soft face man was sitting next to her, quietly reading his Bible. He had shoulder length curly ginger hair and eyes that made you feel like he was in on a secret that you just needed to know. He turned to her and silently handed her a Kleenex, She hadn’t even realized that she had been crying during her nap but her face was moist with sweet salty tears. She felt embarrassed. “Who cries on a public bus?” She thought aloud. He asked her in a whisper almost inaudible, “could I pray for you?” They closed their eyes and bowed there head. She prayed that God could give her peace about her father’s passing. She missed him more with each snowflake that drifted lazily from the swirly gray sky. They were in their own world on that bus. She snapped her head up becoming more allusive from her thoughts and there he was an adorable smile plastered on his face, his ginger hair flopping wildly beneath his knitted winter hat. He sat down silently and held her hand playing with the ring on her finger.

She had heard it all recently, “you’re too young”, “you met him on a bus six months ago, how well do you really know him?” and “marriage is for life!” As if I didn't know these things. In this moment, sitting on the bus staring as she watched the Vail ski bums rotating up and down the pure white slopes she knew that this was the right decision. She only wished that her father could be there. There would be no father daughter dance and no one to ‘officially’ give her away. The reflection in the bus window looked like that of a broken little girl not a woman so in love that she was getting married in just a few hours. She felt the warmth of her fathers hand on her wrist again and smiled looking longingly up at the sky. She squeezed her soon to be husbands hand as the bus thumped its way through Glenwood Canyon. They were almost there; she just had one last person she needed to talk to.

“When are you going to be here? The staff is letting me leave for a little while your mother and I thought we could go to dinner and celebrate your twenty second birthday! Call me soon pumpkin. Love you.” He chuckled. Click—the last message she ever received from her dad. She saved it and played it when she needed him most. She hadn't played it in a full week. It wasn't a profound message about life or love or loss. It was just one of those messages you leave normally because the day before your whole life changes is just like any other day.

As the charcoal sky began to turn to black, the sun tucked away under the mountain peaks she remembered the quote her father always used to read to her, “I haven’t a clue how my story will end, but that’s all right. When you set out on a journey and night covers the road, that’s when you discover the stars.”-Nancy Willard

Stay Positive- There is GOOD in the world & I can prove it to you

Brought to you by Meant 4 Movement spreading positive thoughts!
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151163567413512&set=pb.138401748511.-2207520000.1355723215&type=3&theater

Right now a nation is grieving in the aftermath of a horrible tragedy. People are understandably angry and upset. Saddened for the lives that were lost too soon. Debates over gun control policy and mental health issues in society have cluttered not only my Facebook but my television and dinner conversations too (I am guilty of this as well). While it is understandable that people would need to discuss these issues and I feel it is important for them to be discussed; a person can only hear so much sad news (even if it is part of our reality) before they begin to ask, "where is the good in life?" 

I began to ask myself this question a  few months ago. See, I live in Colorado and my summer was overwhelmed with news of destructive fires, the now famous theater shooting at the Batman midnight premier which took the lives of 12 innocent people including a student at my school, news of missing children like Jessica Ridgeway and Dylan Redwine (who is still missing) were all that seemed to be being talked about. Then  when I heard the horrifying news of yet another school shooting on Friday. I was exacerbated. I wanted to yell "ENOUGH!" I watched the news unfold all day. I finally had to pull myself away just to take a deep breath and remind myself that there is good in humanity. So that is what I wanted to show you as well. Looking back over  this past year even through the though times I distinctly remember so many beautiful, amazing, good, kind moments that have positively impacted me and society. So here they are listed below some are personal to me others were seen perhaps around the world but they all showed me the 'good'. 

I take no credit for stories, videos or photos below that are not my own personal accounts!

1. Starting at the beginning of this Fall semester--probably my most memorable moment on campus was when a homeless man invited me to lunch with him. Yep! You heard me right a homeless man invited me to eat lunch with him on campus at the church that hands out free lunch everyday. \

  2. I spent 2 days volunteering at an awesome awesome event called "Project Homeless Connect." Here I helped walk 3 homeless people around a huge complex that was set up to provide resources to the homeless. I helped one man get free legal aid to help him pay a medical bill after he got major food poisoning. Another man I helped figured out how to get housing assistance and get back on food stamps. I helped a sweet old man who told me about how he used to volunteer with Dig trees Colorado, to get his identification back (he had a very complicated life story). And on the light rail home that day another volunteer confessed to me that he had once been homeless--after his wife died in a car accident he was left taking care of their 7 daughters by himself, then the bad economy hit, he lost his job and the family lost their house-- PHC helped his family and he wanted to return the favor. Another man shared a similar story of how PHC helped him get a job and turned his life around.

3. I had a stranger yell a Rumi quote at my class and it literally changed my life.. "Let the beauty of what you love be what you do; there are a thousand ways to kneel and kiss the Earth."

4. Recently; 

5. Not personal but as a future teacher I was really excited about this positive school! 

6. Again not personal but I like so many others was inspired by this video: Canes Arcade 

Caine's Arcade from Nirvan Mullick on Vimeo.

7. Saw this video of what some college students were doing to spread some holiday cheer in an airport 

8. The people who helped out anyway they could during Hurricane Sandy

9. This was a wall that Texas A&M students created to block the westburo baptist church from protesting a soldiers funeral . 

10. The parents who honesty and thoughtfulness surprised airplane passengers. 

11. The person who passed on the kindness they had received so many years before.

12. This guy. 

13. The military father who still finds time to read a book to his kid. 

14.

15.The man who raised $600,000 for Karen Klein --the bus monitor who was horribly bullied by middle schoolers who then posted a video of the "merciless taunting" online. 

In conclusion folks, my faith has been restored in humanity. No life is not all good but, it's not all bad either and I think we all need to remember that the next time we turn on a TV or start feeling like all is lost in the world because you can always always find good. I encourage you to stay positive and act positively towards others because it will be a ripple effect. I pray for the day that I can watch the news without one sad or disturbing story. 

-A

 

Some called it 'luck' I called it a God moment

Today I had to go down to my campus just to hand in a sheet to my professor. Once I completed that task I decided to walk across Colfax to purchase a coffee. I realized once inside the Starbucks that I didn't have any money on me (I searched my wallet and bag) so I paid with part of a gift card I found in my wallet.

As I  walked out a few minutes later a women I had never seen before said, "excuse me mam?" She began to cry and I could see the pain in her eyes as she retold me the story of her day. Her son had been hit by postal truck and ended up at Children's Hospital in Aurora, CO. Her family (her, her husband and their  4 kids) had just been visiting from out of town. Last night the hotel room they were in got broken into and someone stole their wallets. All she was asking me for was help finding resources that could help her. Her family needed $7 more dollars to keep the hotel room they had tonight or they would be on the street. Someone had told her to walk down Colfax and find resources there . She recounted to me how she walked into into one church off Colfax to ask for help and they said, "I'm sorry your not a member we can only give financial needs to our members." she cried even harder telling me "I am a member of God's Church!"

This interaction she described left me feeling furious. I told her that I had no cash on me but that I had a Starbucks gift card and she could have that. She said she would try to trade it to a customer for the amount on it in cash. My mind raced trying to think of ways to help her eventually I just told her I would pray that God would provide. I walked away with a tear in my eye. Something told me to look in my bag and make sure I had no money I could give her even though I had previously looked. I unzipped the pocket in my bag and inside was exactly $7 that I swear had not been there before. I ran back with a tear in my eye and said "I found your 7 dollars!" She beamed me the brightest smile, thanked me profusely & walked to her car to drive back to the hotel.

On the light rail home I began to wonder if her story was true--I mean it seemed pretty crazy. I guess I'll never know if her story was true or how she spent the 7 dollars I gave her. In that moment though I could see the pain deep in her eyes and the raw emotion told me she really needed me to help her and that she apparently really needed that 7 dollars because God provided that money it through me. I hope her days get brighter, that her son is okay, and that her family is able to find resources to help them out. Maybe this story isn't as crazy to you as it was to me but I honestly don't know where that 7 dollars came from but from God.

My dream, well one of them any way

How to feel like the color Red - A poem from my Nature writing class

NOT MY PHOTO!!! Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/rondakimbrow/6869576731/

Wake up early and stand among the sanguine sandstone 

Desolate, silent desert 

Sprawling space

And beyond that the sky line

The obnoxious high pitch of a horn

As a train weaves its way though town

The passengers only catching glimpses of the American west

And its radiating rust residue

That dust the flat top mesas 

The scene completely red 

Only for a moment.

1 year

:( I can't believe a year has come already since you passed away. I miss you like crazy and wish everyday that I could see you. Your love has not been forgotten... you have not been forgotten. I love you & miss you & just wish you were here. I came across these Facebook gems from you to me..

Ameseginalehu (thank you in Amharic)

Tomorrow is thanksgiving and it is really hard for me to articulate all of the beautiful things that God has given me and how thankful I am. Beyond words.

It's not all clear now but in the future it will be...

Steve Jobs--Apple CEO and visionary--once said, "you can only connect the dots looking backwards." By this he meant that you can't fully see God's plan for your life when you are living it. It is only once you are removed from that time period in which you can reflect and "connect the dots." Right now the picture of my life is not all clear but, I can really feel that this is a year I will look back on years from now and say, "wow, I didn't know it then but God was doing some really super sweet stuff in my life!" These 3.5 years since I graduated high school have been crazy and I honestly don't regret anything. I am happy with the woman I am becoming. For the first time in my life I feel at peace with where God has placed me. I  still day dream about traveling and world adventures almost constantly but I now realize the importance of what I am doing right now and how God will connect all these dots in the future. I just feel really excited about my major and can't wait until I am actually a teacher-- I have begun ignoring those voices that tell me I can't do it, that it's too hard, that I won't succeed and that I am not smart enough. I can't believe I bought into those lies for this many years. This time of year is extremely important to me. So many memories, anniversary's both good and sad that are coming up. 4 years since I was in Africa, 1 year since my beautiful friend passed on and 1 year since meeting my Tanzanian brother Heri for the first time. It's really a time that makes me reflect.

God & politics

Okay I have to admit something, it's really getting to me and I have tried to keep my mouth shut but that's just not who I am. When did republican come to equal Christian and when did liberal mean that your automatically an atheist? Why is anti- welfare and supporting war a "Christian" value? (I am generalizing jokes/ statements recently seen on facebook) I don't get it. I wonder at one point politics and nationalism will polarize us from God. There's more I want to say but I am trying to be careful in my words and not offend.

Flashback and forward at once

Last time Obama got elected I was 17, a few months shy of voting, a senior in high school who had volunteered on his campaign despite being underage. I remember being told that I was too young to understand the man I supported but 4 years, 3.5 more years of education, world experiences and lots of learning by mistakes later looks like I haven't changed as much as I sometimes think. 


I remember pretty soon after the election traveling to Ethiopia where I found a barrage of Obama support and people in another country who were as excited as I was for Obama to be President. It makes me wonder if the general support from Ethiopia is the same as it was 4 years ago. I hope so :)

Would Mother Theresa have supported Romney?

Although this ad aims to point out that Obama doesn't respect religious rights, the more subtle advertising message and the first thing everyone in my family pointed out when they saw this ad was that the message was, Mother Theresa supports Romney. 

No, I don't think Mother Theresa would have voted for Romney if she could have. In fact, I don't think she would appreciate having her image tied to this ad released by The Catholic Association. I need to be careful here and qualify this by saying that no one knows who she would have voted for in this election if she could have, this is only my opinion. One thing I do know about Mother Theresa is that she was a devote Catholic and dedicated the majority of her life to providing care to those in need around the world. Her mission was dedicated to the idea of Health Care for all. Sounds to me a lot like Obamacare. She is one of the few people I can look to that truly lived her life as an example of Christ. She lived as true to the Bible as anyone I have yet to find throughout history.

In high school she was a huge influence to me. I noticed at that time in my life, a lot of hypocracies within the Church but, Mother Theresa was aside from all that.When I was a Senior in high school I had one of the most profound experiences of my life after visiting one of Mother Theresa's orphanages in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. This was an orphanage set up for kids who were HIV positive and had been abandoned by their families. It was heart wrenching the way the kids would grab your hand and crawl all over you- they just wanted some attention, some love. Under Romney's plan these kids would possibly not receive the care they so desperately need.

When I first saw this ad I was really personally offended. First by the notion that Mother Theresa supports Romney and later by the notion of the Church being so politically active and using their power to persuade voters. Did God not grant us freewill for a reason?

So, I feel like I am at the point in my shpeel where I have become incoherent and am not making a solid argument. Sorry if my ideas are jumbled, they make a clear picture in my head but to be honest this post was hard to form into words. So sorry for that. Anyway, opinions, words, shpeel below if you feel the need.
-A

Tonight: A perfect example of why living at home sucks sometimes

When you & your brother want to get tacos at midnight, and your parents get mad/ freak out.
Annoyed-- I feel like I'm still in high school.

How effective are street corner missionaries and door to door sales people for Jesus?

Last December I attended a Christian based conference in Denver known as DCC (Denver Christmas Conference). One of the events I participated in was going down to 16th street mall and 'evangelizing'. we would walk up to random strangers and ask them how their walk with Jesus was going. If they seemed interested we would give them a 'run down' of Christian basics... Jesus died for man on the cross erased our sins (although we are still sinners), loves us, wants to save us so we can spend eternity in Heaven with him. We would then ask if the person(s) was interesting in accepting Jesus Christ as their Lord and savior right there on the street. One memorable lady said yes and we stood next to her praying and rejoicing. Then we handed her a small booklet (not a Bible) and wished her well encouraging her to get involved in some other Church. I remember walking away feeling clearly saddened. While the other student I was with was glowing; I felt like that wasn't enough. Sure it gets a person to think and maybe even be proactive about accepting Christ but it doesn't help them in the days that follow. It's so easy to be wooed by a group or truly feel the love of Christ but it's harder the next morning when you wake up and go about business as usual with no one to help hold you accountable.

Sitting in the quad of my college campus I have watched this same scenario play out over and over again. I have even been on the receiving end of this scenario. I have heard peers in my classes say, "whenever I see them I put my headphones in and stare straight ahead" , "I pretend I am on the phone" or "I tell them I am late to class." Even I will willingly admit that I have also pulled the music, cell phone, late to class bit. When I have spare time I will sit in the quad, silently reading, staring and inevitably a street corner missionary- door to door sales person for Jesus will approach me. We will talk (mostly them); it doesn't seem like they appreciate me asking questions. Then they will then hand me something a card or a brochure depending. And before I even get their name they are lurking, looking for anyone else sitting, staring, silently alone. It's a numbers game and they waste no time. I would like to add that not ALL follow this outline but most I have encountered do. Also, they will usually invite me to their church or Bible study which is nice but it seems almost like an after thought. I feel it's necessary to add that I don't see people who evangelize this way as bad or mean or anything of that sort I just don't see it as an effective method but at least if nothing else they get people to think and question which is GOOD!

It seems to me that people generally enter a conversation about Christianity with a lot of preconceived notions and experiences; weather these be positive or negative it effects their attitude and willingness to open up to a complete stranger. Through my short lived 21 years I have found that the best and deepest conversations happen with those whom you feel comfortable with. They happen with friends and family. That is why I believe that to really reach someone and connect with them it takes more than one interaction, more than the spectrum of one topic, more than a one sided conversation and more than polite casualties. If you really want to minister to college students or homeless people- immerse yourself in their world, get to know them, be their friend, eat meals with them, be someone they can count on not just a fleeting memory from the chaos of their daily lives. It takes TIME but I think the experience would prove to be more effective for all involved. If you get rejected it doesn't mean you need to stop being their friend, with this method you have a solid base that you can keep trying to build off of.

When I attended school at Mesa we had a solid group who participated in Tuesday (or whatever day) soccer where we would all gather and play for fun, blow off steam and connect. Through that experience I made so many new friends, so many new foundations and awesome people to have in my life. To be honest I am not sure how often Jesus or the Bible was brought up but I think the effects were seen in the actions of the players.

Now, I have a few other things I would  like to rant about such as: crude abortion protesters on campus but I am trying to stick on topic and not turn this into a me babbling session. I hope I don't sound like I am on my high horse- just therapeutically writing what is on my mind.

So here it is one more story... of rejection. I was walking through campus one day when I got asked if I would be interested in attending a Christian retreat up in the mountains. Sounded awesome to me and made me think of my days in GJ and at the Lodge in Durango. When I went on those retreats we were asked to pay like $20 to help cover the costs. That seemed reasonable to me. as this girl gave me a sales pitch for the retreat she said something along these lines, "We will be staying at a mansion in Vail and it ONLY cost $75 to attend for two days!" I responded as politely as I could (I really tried to be nice!), "So I am honestly not trying to be mean but $75 is a lot don't you think that money could be used more effectively? I mean a mansion? What about those who can't afford it?" Her response was something like this, "Well it's super fun and I have seen a lot of people brought to Christ through it (which is awesome don't get me wrong) but if you can't afford it we do other stuff throughout the year as well." And that was that. I walked away stunned.

Jesus was homeless and he preached out on the street, he shared everything he had and encouraged Christians to give away their possessions. Maybe it's just me (I pray not) but what happened to the ideals he preached? This interaction still leaves me feeling cold- I can't count the number of homeless students Auraria campus hosts. Sure we have free daily lunch and 3 food banks but there is still more we can do and I don't only mean monetarily. Let's LOVE on everyone. Let's go out into the world on fire to make friends and preach like Jesus did.

I don't really know how to wrap up all of my thoughts coherently but I would love to get your take on what I have laid out. Just remember to be intentional and kind in your words. Thanks for letting me spill my heart to you.
-Andrea

Sugg: Hit Play

This Year And How To Survive- Chad Sugg

Golden,
If there’s one thing I want you to be it’s—nevermind
I still remember last year and how I’ve never liked me
That bastard knew I didn’t like it either, and so it goes…
Figure up all the moons and suns,
divided by how many times I cared,
and you’ll end up with another day
where the city is still lousy with all of it.
All the streets the hookers,
record stores
and windows
the happy hours
and the drunks
and love
and constant motion
and despair
squinting at the sky yelling so someone will notice
Don’t we all just want someone to notice?
Our quirks, our shortcomings, our happiness?
It’s those mornings alone when you really feel it, or hear it rather.
That voice whispering about the future and how it’s here and how it’s fleeting
and how your feeling a little like it’s about damn time something went my way.
We’re not getting any younger.
That only happens in novels and Brad Pitt movies.
The basis for figuring it all out is throwing it all away
and realizing the words nothing and everything
 were both made up by men as lost as the best of us.
And the best of us are really just tragically as normal as the worst;
Jogging for a position in a race that never ends.
So don’t worry about it.
Haunt which ever cities you want.
I can tell you there are many to choose from
and as excited as you may be they all end up the same.
It’s not a good thing or a bad thing, it just is.
Change what you want about the world around you.
And if something doesn’t work right
go into a bar on a Friday night
and ask a stranger if they have ever wanted to give up.
Everyone’s answer is the same and  three letters wrong.
It’s proof were not alone.
It’s sanity, it’s comforting, it’s a new year now,
and I’ve survived.
I’m 24 and scared as ever.
If I’m not still saying this in five years like I was the five before this
then I’m not sure how I’d feel.
I think it keeps me on my toes.
So be brave and not only to survive but live.
Take it all in and try to smile a bit more often.
I can’t tell you how many times
I’ve had a shitty day turn around
because someone simply smiled
and said good afternoon to me.
It’s these unexpected simplicities
that surprise you
and make it that much more worth it.
And like us, they just want to be noticed, I’m sure.
Amazing and pure as the light that leads us through the darkness.
May it guide us onward where all is illuminated.

Source: Chad Sugg

Ways to know if I love you or even just like you as a friend:

If you answer yes to any of the below than the answer is clear I really do Like and possibly even Love you...
Have I ever made you a mix CD or playlist?
Have you ever received a hug from me?
Have you ever gotten a random text or message out of the blue after possibly months of not talking?
Have you ever received snail mail from me?
Have I ever punched you lightly in the arm?
Have you ever read or seen me perform my poetry?
Have you seen me cry?
Do you know my full name?
Do you know what my biggest dream and deepest fear is?
Have I ever given/loaned you a book?
Have you ever sat around the dinner table with my family?
Have I ever shared food with you?

If you know the answer to these questions it's no doubt were good friends.
Name two of my favorite bands?
What did I do for my 16th birthday?
What traumatic event occurred on my 18th birthday?

Not a typical love story 5: Reflect

Ocean Avenue- Yellow Card

Not a typical love story 4: Love through music

Song In My Head- Sherwood 

Not a typical love story 3: Nerdy

I.O.U One Galaxy- The Ataris

Not a typical love story 2: Modern

Life Less Ordinary- Carbon Leaf

Not a typical love story 1: Nostalgic

The Old Apartment BNL

'Poor but happy' 

-and now my heart stumbles on things I don't know,  my weakness I feel I must finally show... awake my soul-

English is beautiful.

An open letter to those who give unsolicited advice and uninformed opinions (man on the light rail this is for you)

Today -minding my own buisness- a man started talking to me on the light rail. "What's your major?" he asked casually pointing at the pack adorned on my back. "English and secondary education" I replied. "You?" I asked. "Oh NICE, an EASY major FUN yeah, I chose a much HARDER major" he pauses "I am a biology major" he said as if trying to impress me. I was immediately disgusted. 

First off, I would like to say that just becuase you went to school or remember your kids going through k-12 doesn't mean you know anything about being a teacher, educational philosophys , school buracracy or how to manage class of 30 hyped up pre-teens all while trying to achieve success that must be measured on a standardize test. 

Oh yeah super easy, try giving individual instruction similtaneously to 30 hormonal teenagers. Try just try dealing with helicopter parents or neglectful parents. Try having a major where you are heald to a higher moral standard than most. A major where you have to do over 300 practice hours on top of full credit hours before you even graduate and get your first job.  A career field that is really recent and where standards for teachers are always changing. A job that depends on the sway of politics and community support. A job where you physically work in a school from 7-3(ish) but most likely spend the time at home until you fall asleep grading papers, tutoring, holding student interventions or creating lesson plans.

I work my butt off in college,I volunteer helping to toutor high schoolers, I work at an international middle school, I am in NCTE and an English Honor Society and still wont have a guraenteed job placement when I graduate and even if I do, I will be required to get more education with out the pay scale other jobs offer. But, I do it because I love it and because I believe that education is the greatest gift you can give someone. My major is not esay, my job will not be easy. I am okay with that because I realize what I do is important. If education was easy they wouldn't require a degree, a license, that you pass a series of tests, continuing your education or background checks.

You wouldn't last one day man on light rail. Those kids would beat you at your own game so fast. 

Sincerly, 

A Proud Hard-Working Secondary Education, English Major

Had this yelled at me by a guest speaker in class

he looked right at me, pointed at me, asked me to stand up and said,

"Love what you do, there are a thousand ways to kneel and kiss the Earth" -Rumi 

he then repeated it yelling with all his might.


*thanks stranger.

W0RDZ

I remember when I was at Mesa someone I had never met or seen came up to me and said, "I have seen you around and you alawys look like your having fun." That was it. That was all they said. Simple but it really impacted me. Funny, no one has said that to me at Metro. Maybe that says something.

Art I made inspired by the music of Townz VanZant

bahaha stuff found on the internet

"I have been thrashed and humbled by waves in both the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans"

That's a quote from a recent essay I wrote about my nature experience.

Anyway, awesome song of the moment.



This is from The Mountain Goat's album Sunset Tree which takes you through the lead singers life growing up which sadly, included a lot of abuse from his step father. Best lines from the song are...

"...lean in close to my little record player on the floor
so this is what the volume knob's for
I listen to dance music
dance music

okay so i'm seventeen years old
you're the last best thing I got going
but then the special secret sickness

starts to eat through you
what am I supposed to do?..." 

The underlined parts show the awesome alliteration used its perfect. This song somehow manages to have a happy tune while being about an extremely intense and sad subject. BRILLIANT! 

2nd time I cried today

http://www.denverpost.com/news/ci_21500111/survivors-heart-tammy-noel-cunningham-life

I can't believe it's been nine months since you passed away

Today is Suicide Awareness day...
I thought of you...
Went to a bathroom on campus and cried....
I will never understand...
& I will miss you for as long as I live...
Wish I could talk to you right now...
& get some good Irish wisdom...

Stoked!!!

& nervous... will add more details later

And then I broke my toe

it hurts like heck
and I am getting sick of my work everyone is so negative
I am negative but only because I am feeling really ill lately

Doctors

Just spent my day at the doctors had blood taken and got my first CT scan man do those feel weird. I just want to not be sick please.

Anis Mojgani

"We forgot what we wanted and we became what we become: waitresses and bartenders, city employees and temp positions, we are junkies and one kiss poems and we cry the stars as we write our scars onto dumpsters and electric boxes because the only thing that we can hear is our hearts" Anis Mojgani

:(

Positive thoughts =ing a positive semester

When school started on Monday I had decide to go into the semester with a positive attitude and guess what happened this week...

- I had a really great start to my semester
- I ate lunch with a homeless man
- Volunteered to serve food to the homeless on campus every other Wednesday
- Recognized people in my classes and made friends
- Tried to be more positive at work
- Got involved with CUE (center for urban education) where I will be doing 60+ hours in a middle school classroom this semester (Stoked!!!)
- Got a position possibly tutoring high school students in English on my campus

I declare that this will be a busy but GREAT semester it will be absolutely positively life changingly LEGEN (wait for it) DARY!

Debbie Downer

Trying to write only positive thoughts this week but I have to put the truth in here and get it out...
The doctors found 6 cysts in my moms breasts they removed the liquid from them and don't think they are cancerous but who knows... my mom and  I are both prone to cysts (I have been through that before) which makes our chances of getting cancer higher welp that's a downer...

Im spendi g my work dinner thinking about how i am not ready for school to start tomorrow

Some nights your old voice is like a whisper
Other nights your old voice is a deep growl
With time I hear it less and less, it's fading
But I can't just let bygones be bygones
When it was your fighting words
That nursed me to sleep with tears every night
My fragile 8th grade mind couldn't comprehend
What it means to have a mentally ill brother
B       I        P       O        L        A        R.
That voice I hear will never fully f a  d   e.

Not actually drunk just posting this because it's stuck in my head

I'm grumpy so BEWARE of this lame post

I don't feel good tonight, I am grumpy and I just want to have a good meaningful conversation with people. I want to have a  'real' chat with someone and get advice.

Reminds me of 'The Old Apartment' BNL

Boy meets world 'do good' memorable line

Topanga Lawrence-Matthews: We wanted to know if you had anything left to teach us. 
George Feeny: No. My work with you is done. 
Shawn Hunter: I don't know. That's pretty scary. Going into a whole new world. 
George Feeny: And you are ready to go into that world. 
Eric Matthews: Even me? 
George Feeny: Even you. Believe in yourselves. Dream. Try. Do good. 
Topanga Lawrence-Matthews: Don't you mean do well? 
George Feeny: No I mean do good. 

Senior year

Technically I am starting my Senior year of college although it will take me an extra semester to graduate. It's crazy to think that three years ago I walked onto the Mesa State campus a scared  freshman who didn't realize that you need to separate your whites from your colors when doing laundry. I was best friends with a kid named Josh who just got married, roommates with a boy crazed cow girl who I haven't talked to since moving out and ate daily in the school tent aka MavPav aka our cafeteria. Then sophomore year everything changed because of my job. A job that taught me a helluva lot and I am thankful for that. It taught me that I am a people person, that I'm not a good boss because I am too nice and that I can't manage my time to save my life. I left the people that had changed my life and the place I had called 'home' for Denver. The place I had previously spent eighteen years no long felt like home. I spent time with family, occupy protesters and homeless folk. I saw FUN, Tom Petty and President Obama all within a few months. I turned 21 (not the big whoop I expected). I was asked to be a bridesmaid in my brothers wedding. Here's to the last year and a half I have left of school and procrastinating from the real world for a little bit longer. I can't wait to actually spend more time teaching in a classroom this semester. I miss the students from GJ High school and Mrs.G's class where I worked my second year at Mesa. I hope to continue to get good grades, travel- at least to visit my brother in DC (an open shout out to anyone who wants to join me), and do good this coming school year.

One Tree Hill

I remember Payton asking Lucas, "When all your dreams come true who do you want standing next to you?"  a few seasons later he stands next to her and says, "it's you- when all my dreams come true I want to stand next to you."

I do think this is a valid question for possibly assessing a relationship but it easy to have someone... anyone next to you when things are great. It's the ones who stay with you through all the shit before your dreams come true that matter and the ones who are there after the fame fades away and the spot light moves on. The ones who will wait for you 'till kingdom comes'. I think true love is as simple as being there for each other. The question should be, "Who do you want standing next to you when the future is unknown?"

Some days I'm not sure I even believe in true love. Too many failed and failing relationships clutter my mind. Other days God proves that theory wrong. I think that's why life is so beautiful. Until I find the person I want to stand next to, I guess I'll just have to trust in the unknown future.

--A

'and the world spins madly on'

Our world is centered around the need for human interaction
It is in  everything
we
do
So why do
we
 keep inventing technology whose only purpose serves to

isolate

us
more?
We
go to the grocery store and instead of
real people
checking
us
out
we
have
computers
telling
us,
"hello, please and thank you for shopping at (insert store name here)"
The closest
we
get to
someone
asking us how
we
are and then waiting for a response is when
Facebook
asks
us
"What's on your mind?"
I
know
LonelyGirl5
and the
Numa Numa dance
better than
I
know my own
neighbors.
If
I
have a question
I
don't ask
my
parents
or
teachers
I
ask
Google
and if
Wikipedia
lies to
me
I
believe it.
# (hashtag) truth.
Friends
don't recommend music but
Pandora
does.
I
have
'449'
friends
but less then 5 who
I
would call at 3am
and how many would actually attend
my
funeral?
Yet
449
comments on Facebook expressing sorrow and grief
Fake and sincerer
# (hashtag) truth

And here
I
sit writing to
you
who
are
you
really?

Writing

I have been trying to write something for awhile now...
something beautiful; inspiring, creative
something that adequately expresses how I am feeling
something with nice spacing
maybe I will just post what I have
(look for a next post)

Post title

Blah! Blah! Blah! 

I want a boy friend or even just a friend!

Life is good I guess...

I just got a raise at work ... I mean thats always positive

It's still hard to process what just happened in Colorado. It's one of those moments that you will look back on years from now and remember exactly where you were when you heard the awful news. I remember where I was during the Columbine shooting and when the terrorist attacked on 9/11. Unfortunately I will always remember where I was that early July morning. I had gotten home around 2am from the Batman premier at the theater off Colorado Blvd. Jumped on the internet before I was gonna go to bed and that's when I saw the new reports cluttering my Facebook feed. Then my Mom came in to check on me. Said she had woken up and just seen it on the news. I went and stared at the TV reminiscent on 9/11 until 4am when I forced myself into bed waking up in the morning to 24 hour coverage of the incident. It is truly sad what has happened today and I am praying for all those involved. It is a swift reminder to not take a single moment for granted. Sending my all my love I am deeply sorry.

eight-teen

Four more years to go I told myself
I was so young, nieve
Only eight-teen
If I had known then what I know now
I'd run like hell
You've only got one chance to get away
Before the real world leaves you there to stay
I was so young, nieve
Only eight-teen
Could of jumped ship but I stayed for the ride
Convincing myself that in just four years
I'd be free to follow my dreams
But four turned into five
Time turned into money
Life turned into pride
Dreams turned into broken promises
And now I'm left behind
If I had known then what I know now
I'd run like hell
You've only got one chance to get away
Before the real world leaves you there to stay
I was so young, nieve
Only eight-teen

Obsessed

Switcheroo

Go listen to this... http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/468/switcheroo

...Then take my challenge I plan on doing it too. Go to somewhere where nobody will recognize you then be somebody you're not. Be somebody completely different. I plan on doing this this week. ANNNDDDD GO!

Somethings stay with you even if you don't want them to.

Made for a princess (If your name begins with P and ends with hillip DO NOT READ!)

You sent me a picture
It was long
And white
With pink undertones
And intricate detailing on the front
Flowed out at the bottom
Made for a princess

Flash back: favorite writing of mine

http://drea-heartoflife.blogspot.com/2010/07/playing-for-change.html

I go to the airport

Hop on the first 409

It’s Denver to Dallas

The city’s asleep tonight

I’m buying time

I look out the window

The world at my finger tips

Possibilities endless

I don’t know where to go with this

Guitar on my back

What it’s like to feel young

The freedom is freeing

But the dreams all sound dumb

I don’t want a nine to five

I don’t want to settle down just yet

I don’t want to leave this world with even one regret

I walk the streets

As the people walk to the bars

I am starting to realize this city is ours

I won’t sleep for days

As I watch the kids play

Guitar on my back

What it’s like to feel young

The freedom is freeing

But the dreams all sound dumb

The man on the corner

Holding a sign for change

But he doesn’t want money

Although it might sound strange

He's playing for change