Long overdue update!

It seems crazy to me that I haven't updated this blog since May. I'm sorry to anyone out there who may actually follow this. Life has been a whirlwind. I guess I'll starts where my blog last left off. The semester ended and summer began.

This summer was by far the best summer in  my short life.

In June my brother got married and I was a bridesmaid in the wedding. It was a beautiful ceremony. This is a memory that I will cherish forever. I felt so blessed to be a part of a union between two people so in love. Too many details and stories to recount here.

At the beginning of the summer I was "working" two jobs, 70+ hour weeks and loving every minute of it. My first job was the same one I have held at the FROYO shop for two years now--I worked 4 nights a week. My second job (M-F) was through the Center for Urban Education & Denver Public Schools--a 9th grade college readiness camp. I cannot say enough about the impact this camp had on me. I worked with two mentors and we had 14--amazing and bright beyond their years--kiddos in our group. We went to 3 college classes, including a 3D printing CAD class where I saw the future of engineering & manufacturing. I also saw several of my students grow exponentially through the professors encouragement. If they so choose, I know they will be our future engineers & architects. In the English class  I worked along side my professors to give the students the opportunity to tell their stories to the world. One brave students' story brought me to tears. I cannot hear Bob Marley's 3 little birds without thinking of her--I wish her the brightest of futures. The kiddos toured colleges like CSU & learned to communicate and advocate for themselves in a public speaking class. I feel so blessed to have been a part of the camp and to have met these individuals.

The camp ended early July, so I picked up more shifts at my other job, hung out with friends and began to study for the PRAXIS test. A test that you have to pass in order to get your teaching license. All of this was fairly relaxing and a nice break from my previously stressful semester.

Then, in August I traveled with my parents and my Grandma to Italy, Spain & France for the most amazing (well, mostly... the places were breathtaking but, my parents fought some) 12 days. Again, too mych to recount day by day here. Highlights included: The Colosseum, The Vatican, Trevi Fountain, FC Barcelona futbol stadium tour among others!

The week before school started back up I took my PRAXIS exam and passed :). For someone who has  a learning disability and has always struggled with test taking, this boosted my confidence in my subject area and my ability to teach it to students.

School started back up and unfortunately with that came the stress. On Monday I submitted my student teaching application... heres to hoping for the best outcomes! The future is bright and God has continually blessed me & challenged me.

I'm sorry there is not much detail writing here for most of my events. I feel that they deserve much more time and attention than I am capable of giving them right now but, that in no way indicates that those events were any less impactful or life changing for me this summer.

Peace!

Dear me, Please listen to this message in year!

Yesterday I cried to my Mom

I admitted to her that I have been deeply deeply depressed for a few months now. I told her that this has been the worst few months of my life. I am having a life crisis, a melt down of epic proportions. I am SICK TO DEATH of school right now I wish spring break was a few months longer. I have never in my life been so anxious, depressed and stressed out as these last few months have made me. My best friend in my major switched majors because she hated feeling this stressed all the time. I have very few friends, I hang out with my Mom and her friends more than anyone else. I have no one to talk to and I have a shit ton to do before tomorrow so back to the grind. I am breathing deep and I know all will be okay. Please pray for me (if anyone reads this which I doubt). "I am gonna make it through this year if it kills me..."

EVERYTHING MAKES ME MISS YOU!

Happy St. Patrick's day to my Irish father Noel! Miss you and love you! Send me the luck of the Irish will ya? forever in my heart and on my mind.

I wonder if I missed out

Last night, I stumbled upon the "Colorado Mesa University Confessions Page" &  a "CMU Missed connections page". Reading through countless logs it made me wonder if I have missed out on the "college experience." There were post about parties (the kind you think of when you think of college), and more disturbing party/ sex stories that my virgin eyes didn't need to read. Although I am sure some of these logs are made up, some are also real. People detailed countless drunken nights, awkward dates and missed connections. I honestly couldn't relate to ANY of the posts on the "Confessions Page." At first it made me wonder if Mesa had changed that much since I left (become more of a party school) or if I was just nieve and had missed out on a right of passage. While I will NEVER be the girl that has random meaningless sex, and gets drunk every weekend, I see nothing wrong with going to an occasional party. You could say I was a part of the "Jesus group" at Mesa (which I am proud of) & the "housing group" which meant parties I went to included board games, movies and snacks. I guess maybe I am longing for someone i'll never be. I definitely would not change my friends at Mesa or anything I did while I was there because it was the BEST but sometimes you gaze at the other side and wonder is the grass is greener? I'm turning 22 this month and have never been drunk, never been out clubbing, partying or to a bar (for the specific purpose of just drinking and meeting guys). I don't like makeup or short dresses. I know I am a cool person, so why do I feel the need to prove my self through these ridiculous acts that other girls put on? I don't know.... I feel like I'm missing out and i'll be the English teacher forever alone with my books. Rant done.

I am tired

I am tired of spending 20 hours on a single lesson plan only to get a "B"
I am tired of professors telling me,
 "statistics show that close to 50% of fresh college grads with teaching degrees quit the profession within the first five years."
"You'll be in school from 7-5 and up grading papers and writing lesson plans until 3 am."
"If your lucky enough to get hired right out of college, it will most likely be the day before school begins so you will have no prep time"
"You'll have days where you just want to cry but can't and years where your flat out not the best teacher you could be"
"You have to worry about standards, administrators, parents, 30 year knowledge, CEC classes and most importantly students lives"
And now to sleep. :)

Whimsical

I leave art work made from scraps of food in coffee shops; I pretend my shadow is a person following me and create elaborate stories in my head of a great escape, involving witty remarks, I draw stars that exist only in my mind and write the endings to stories that have yet to begin; I believe the depth of one's life is measured by the number of times they make another person smile. Smile. Gapped tooth, big lips, coffee stained smile. People are like constellations; we are each our own bright star and when we connect with others we make pictures in the sky. I create silly faces from scraps of food at coffee shops. Smile please.

Well, sometimes I feel crazy.

I remember the semester before I transferred sitting on the floor of my room in Monument hall crying on the phone to my brother telling him between gasps of breath that all I really wanted was to do something meaningful, to do something that made a difference. I told him I didn't want a normal life, a boring life. I wanted to change the world for the better when I graduated. I asked him if I was crazy? He said no.

Shaker

Is it really so ridiculous to think that I might just be able to change the world.

Obligatory new years post

I know it's cliche but here goes New Years Resolutions or whatever one wants to call it...

1. Get Good Grades! (I have been doing pretty good so far but know that I can be doing better!) :)
2. Stay Positive! (It's really as simple as that)
3. Give EVERYTHING To God!
4. Get Into "Shape"! (I know it's cliche but it's also something that I want for myself.)
5. Give More!
6. Get More Involved! 
7. Spend More Quite Time! (Away from books, electronics, Facebook, music etc.)

tbc....

I never dreamed the sea so deep, The earth so dark; so long my sleep, I have become another child. I wake to see the world go wild. 
- Allen Ginsberg