the trivial and the non-trivial

Just feeling the obvious need to write at 1:19pm however; I am finding it hard to focus on just one topic when a million thoughts are going through my head.

First off, I had an amazing talk with a really awesome and down to Earth friend today. Like me he shares a passion for traveling and serving others and this is what he hopes to do with the rest of his life! Over the summer I confided in him about a struggle I am having. My biggest fear in life is that I wont have enough time to accomplish everything I want. Honestly, as I stand today if I died in a freak accident tomorrow I would not be satisfied with the life I lived. I do not think my impact on this world has been great enough. I want to do more! I want to make real positive change! It becomes hard when I am sitting through a lecture class in Grand Junction imagining that I am in Africa actually face to face with poverty actually helping. I often wonder why God has placed me here and at school. I do understand the importance of an education but I feel as though my time could be better served helping out in Africa. I need to realize that there are literally people everywhere who need help. Right here in my own backyard several students on campus are suffering!  As mother Teresa said, "It is among the wealthy that we find the greatest poverty of all- loneliness." I really need to pray for peace in where God has placed me and ask him to use me for his will. I pray that God will draw me close to him (or that I will allow him too).

Then tonight, I had some lovely girl talk time with two girl friends! I am really not a girly girl and I don't usually sit there and confess my crushes to my friends mostly because I am self conscious. Tonight however I opened up. Boy's have always been a problem for me. I watch girls walk up to guys get there number and in a few weeks there dating. I think I missed taking that course in school. Usually when I like a boy I don't ever act upon it because a) I don't know what to do and b) I just assume they won't like me back and we all know rejection sucks! For example, last year I liked a guy so I got up the courage and I invited him to do things with me. I got rejected but kept perusing then as summer droned on I look on Facebook and he has a new girl friend. :( Bummer ( I really hope he doesn't read this can you say "awkward?")  Maybe this sounds self loathing but after so long I have begun to feel like I am not good enough for any guy I would like to actually like me back. Not to worry I am not one of those women who need a man to be happy or satisfied but it couldn't hurt to have someone awesome and special in my life.

Theres my rant!
Good night!