21 lessons learned in 21 years (A continuation of my ever growing list)

1. Relationships evolve and transform.-You will cross paths with lots of people from different walks of life. You must learn to accept the fact the some people will leave your life shortly after entering it, some people will stay for years and some will leave and return. 

2. Don’t prejudge people.- Everyone has a different story and you shouldn’t judge them only God can do that. I remember in High School meeting the person who is now my best guy friend (he’s like a brother to me!) and thinking that he was a really weird and semi creepy person. Then, I actually took the time to get to know him, understand him, hear his story and I realized we have a lot in common! Now he’s my bestie!

3. Accept that bad things will happen.- If you grow up in Happy little suburban bubble like I did until about 7th grade then getting out in the so called “real world” you will be shocked to learn that not everyone you meet has your best interest at heart, not everyone is good ( although I do believe everyone is inherently good), and life is not black and white. Also realize that this ok. From the bad things that happen comes learning and reflecting.

4. To live and not just exist you need to step outside of your comfort zone.- Going away to a college where I knew absolutely no one was a big deal and really helped me to come to this realization. In the past year I have done more than I ever thought was possible from climbing a huge mountain to making friends with strangers, to trying new things like rock climbing and paint ball. I believe pushing my limits is what has helped me to succeed.

5. It’s the little things that matter.- Looking back on my childhood I have realized that the moments I am most fond of are the little things like, music trivia with my mom (she’s pretty bad at it but I love her)and Dad (he knows his fare share), My brother Phil playing the piano with me always nearby, or the random sarcasm that bonds me and my brother Greg.

6. Success is found through passion.- I believe that by doing what you love you will find the most success in your life weather you deem success financially, emotionally, physically or mentally. Knowing what your passion is and then using it to help others is the best way to achieve success in this high demand high stress world.

7. De clutter/ make things simpler.- Get rid of all the junk in your house and in your life. Focus on fewer but more important things. Give more time and attention to the people you love and hobbies you enjoy. Clear time in your schedule for yourself and your loved ones. Take time to relax and enjoy what you have in your life!

8. Connect with people from different generations and walks of life/ expand your horizons.- Doing this will allow you to expand the way you think and will show you that there are multiple ways to live life and you might learn something new. For instance this weekend my Mom picked up a hitch hiker and was telling me about this Lady (I could tell she was fascinated by her). The lady was a back packer in her mid to late twenties who was a really religious Jew (even stopped my Mom from talking to do her morning prayers) and a computer programmer. My Mom said her life was so different from her own but not necessarily bad and she said that she learned a lot from this lady.

9. Accept change.- Nothing can or will stay the same forever. Change is inevitable instead of being scared of change embrace it. If you embrace it life will be a lot smoother. Change is exiting, fun and sometimes scary so just roll with the punches and trust that the heart of life is good!

10. Stop stressing/ worrying.- I have never been a person who stresses out but when I do it all explodes at once. I usually have my yearly freak out week other than that I tend not to worry however I have met people who agonize about every detail of their life. Just let go breathe deep trust that everything will be ok. My Mom once told me, “nothing in the world is so bad that it can’t be fixed.”

11. Live out your wildest dreams.- You have one life and a million different ways to live it. Go after what you want with all your heart. The possibilities are endless and if you truly want something nothing can stop you. In High School I wanted to travel to Africa but I knew my parents wouldn’t support me financially and I didn’t have enough money for a trip so I worked really hard and found a way to go on an all expense paid philanthropy trip to Ethiopia! Now I’m working on how to get back there!

12. Perform Random Acts of Kindness.- “Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle”- Philo. Being kind just because is the greatest gift you could give another human being. In this age of technology and isolation I believe all people really want is a real human connection. Sometimes just talking to someone or smiling at them will make there day.

13. You can’t live in the past or the future you have to live for now.- Reminiscing is great as is dreaming but at some point you have to wake up and live in the moment. Now is the only moment that is guaranteed to you so spend it wisely working towards your goals, sharing love, helping others and doing what is most important you in that moment.

14. Ask a lot of questions.- Always keep the wheels cranking in your mind. Don’t accept anything for fact. Ask questions and learn. Never stop learning it is one of the most important aspects in life.

15. Tell people you love them everyday.- My grandpa passed away recently and my great grandma who was a month away from being a hundred passed away a few years back. These deaths gave me the bitter realization that tomorrow is not guaranteed and you should always let people know how important they are to you. Seriously, tell friends, family maybe even strangers you love them all the time!

16. Do what makes YOU happy.- I spent a lot of years thinking after high school and then after college I should do what expected instead of what I want. I know when I graduate I am expected to get a 9-5 job, pay bills and get a nice house with a man whom is also settled down but I have decide to do what makes me happy instead. I am going to move to Africa and do anything I can to help! Don’t follow others expectations set your own goals in life and achieve them.

17. Get involved!- Try to meet new people every day (no matter how awkward it is) and join in on the fun activities that are offered near you who knows you might meet a best friend, a spouse or find a new passion. Open yourself up to new possibilities and adventures.

18. Take risks/ don’t be afraid of getting hurt.- “Standing on the fringes of life offers a unique perspective. But there comes a time to see what it looks like on the dance floor.”- The perks of being a wallflower (great book BTW). In my Sophomore- Senior years of High School I let fear hold me back from experiencing life. I was afraid to try new things, make new friends and dare I even say it ask a guy out. College changed everything. I met a guy I liked so I asked him to do things with me like go to the school talent show sadly I was rejected but hey it didn’t hurt as much as you think and I moved on from it and became less afraid.

19. Take every opportunity you get.- Every opportunity is a new door to a new room and learning experience. It is a chance to expand your horizons and I don’t know what the opportunity is but unless it contradicts your morals I suggest you take it!

20.Never take for granted the beauty that surrounds you every  day.- I don't know where you are right now... but, I bet its beautiful! Stop staring at this screen... look around... admire, respect and be thankful for the beauty that surrounds you. I live in Colorado and this past year has taught me to wake up and be in awe of my surroundings every day. God is good!

21. Be there! This year I learned the importance of being there for my close friends and family. Sometimes all a person needs is your nearness to overcome something bad in there life. One of my friends this year was having a rough time, I could tell by her Facebook updates, so one day I randomly decided to send her flowers from five hours away. I like to believe that my surprise gift helped her through her rough patch. Another friend, committed suicide this year. I only wish I could have spent more time with him over the past year and gone out of my way to interact with him. His death was a surprise and shock . It taught me  a lesson I wont ever forget. 

The first day of spring

On this beautiful sun is shining Colorado first day of spring...
My brother got engaged!!! I now have a sister!
My parents purchased a new house!!
and, the Denver Broncos got Payton Manning!
-What a day-
A

CONGRATS!!!!!!

Credit goes to artist: Dean Styers
Words are from the song This year by The mountain goats

SO

My Dad doesn't have cancer but my dog does.. poor guy!

"Who the fuck wants to die alone all dried up in the desert sun?"

My parents might be buying a house and moving out of the house I spent 20 years inhabiting. I am personally all for it... they want change and it's not like they are moving out of the state or even more than 20 mins away because of my Moms business. I think they should do it! There looking at some pretty shmancy homes though! Might be getting a party house... not like our house isn't already :p

I loved you at your darkest
- Romans 5:8


*Saw this today and needed it.

Desperately and fiercely craving an adventure.  

My Dad didn't tell me that he was having surgery tomorrow! I found out when the doctor called for a pre. op. chat and I was the only one home to answer the phone. I guess they found a lump on his neck... tonight at dinner he made it seem like no big deal but I don't know. I just wish my family would tell me these things like when...
-my Mom thought she had cancer
-my brother overdosed
and when...
-my Grandpa died.

Just because I am the baby of the family doesn't mean I can't handle this shit.

:( PS. I wish we texted like we did that one summer or talked as if we were actually friends. 

"I have measured out my life in coffee spoons."- TS Eliot

The line above is from a poem titled "The love story of J Alfred Prufrock" this line is widely considered one of the most famous lines from an American poet. It can be recognized as a cautionary tale telling the readers what might happen if they live such a monotonous life. So get out there & carpe diem! 

Thinking about you & how you always told me getting an education was important.

& crying a lot. Some days it feels like I am suffocating.

http://www.denverpost.com/recommended/ci_19511244

Random short little verse wanted to keep going but wasn't sure where I was going please comment may add more later

We walk along a long road walked
Towards a home that's not our own
The aroma of cigarettes alone surrounds
No sounds but that of crunching bone
We take heart wrenching painstaking steps
In the distance I can see the finish line
I don't think that reality will ever be mine
--

"Noel Spark"

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."-Irish Headstone. You will always be a part of us. The "Noel Spark" will be carried on forever. RIP Noel Cunningham we'll always love you.

--I'm sorry I missed the celebration of your life they had for you yesterday because of you thousands of dollars was raise at Strings of Hope to keep the Cunningham Foundation alive to help support the people of Ethiopia. You are greatly missed & there is still a deep spot in my heart where you will live on forever!

Today I surprised myself and I lived to tell the story

I heard this guy on the light rail talking about how he was new to Denver from Grand Junction and was lost so I helped him out and started a conversation about how I used to live in Grand Junction. Anyway he was sorta cute and seemed like a good guy so as I was getting off the light rail I gave him my number and told him if he was ever bored to give me a call. I have never "given a guy my number" and I am sure you know what I mean when I say this. I mean plenty of guys have my number but its not the same. Well a few minutes later he texted me but he basically just said if I ever need help with Spanish to let him know (that was one of the things we discussed). Guessing nothing will happen but it was fun surprising even myself!

A mothers prayer for her child By: Tina Fey

This was a segment from Tina Fey's amazing book Bossypants. Y'all should read it. 

“First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,”she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen.”

-Tina Fey

Some times I don't post things on here because I know that if I say the words if I memorialize them on here for the world to see it will make them real. That scares the shit out of me. 
but I guess the truth is your dead, someone else is getting engaged, I am a f** nobody and the world spins madly on.

Back side of the Christmas letter

January 1, 2011 - - - Starting the New Year out in Style - - - the Small’s take on Mexico!

As the airline stewardess announces on the intercom, “I apologize to Chad Murdock in Seat 18E for forgetting to give him his orange juice to go with his orange spray tan” - - - we knew that this would be a memorable trip.  A picture is worth one thousand words so enjoy the lazy river, belly flops, sail boating, water slides, beach walks and so much laughter to create an encyclopedia full of words. This abridged version includes:

Day 1:  Arrival with margarita drink greetings from the resort staff and happy hour for the Small group of 25 at the Grand Luxxe Mayan Palace in Nuevo Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.

Day 2: Hang time down near the ocean, fun in the sun while the Aunts and Uncles get waited on in the shade.  After a relaxing day, we hit the town and went to Adauto’s for a beautiful beach side dinner. Besides the family laughter, the most memorable part of the evening was watching the colorful Mexican sunset over the beach (almost as memorable as the great margaritas).

Day 3: Quality time was spent at the Mayan Palace lazy river (and we were lazy) and swim up pool bar. We got to the pool bar just in time for happy hour - - - Shawn, Phillip and Greg entertain in a water fight!  Water was splashed, drinks were drunk and fun was had by all!  The dinner Beach Party food was delicious but the massive dance party topped off the night. Jen and Al were showing off their moves together on the dance floor.  Hey like they say “When in Mexico!” or is it Rome?

Day 4:   More adult entertainment - - - of golfing while the kids once again fooled around in the pools and entertained themselves by taking photos as they went down the water slide. That night, Phil and Jen went out for seafood with their friends Manny and Theresa. The rest of the adults went for Italian food on the resort and the “kids” went downtown to Pi Pi’s for a night out.  The “kids” had fun (maybe a little too much fun if there is such a thing) sipping on Blue Pi Pi’s, pretending it was Shawn’s birthday and shopping.

Day 5:  Most everyone’s favorite day was renting a private sailboat to go whale (we are not talking of family members), dolphin and manta ray watching. Shawn lost his cap on the way to the sailboat and almost left the best part of him in Mexico.  The family enjoyed the open bar all you can drink along with good food.  We were thoroughly entertained that Phillip was sick because he had partied too hard at Pi Pi’s the night before. We stopped off near a small island to eat lunch and do some snorkeling. Shawn, Chad and Jeff had fun seeing who could do the best dives (belly flops) off the boats.  Everyone wanted to wear their life jackets going home as Jen was the captain of the sailboat and could not guide the boat straight or walk straight.  After a day out in the sun we walked from the resort out to dinner at Prime 75.

Day 6:  On our only day with some clouds, Kenny and Evelyn hosted game day (mostly poker) while most of the Murdock’s went Zip Lining. Let’s just say on this day the drinking started early with the theme “it’s 12 o’clock somewhere”. Some also went golfing, got massages and most attended the Mexican Fiesta that night. The personal shot glasses were a nice touch and the younger family members held their booze better (they probably have more practice) than some others who required a two day recovery period.

Day 7:  More golf and fun in the sun.  In fear of sober time soon to come, we headed to Pi Pi’s (the “kids” second time) for dinner. The Nieto kids were being eco friendly and sat in the trunk of the taxi cab (read between the lines – mom is too cheap to pay for another taxi into town).  Delicious Mexican food and singing Sweet Caroline with the Mariachi Band at the top of our lungs left a lasting impression and we enjoyed some last minute souvenir shopping.

Finally, it was time to leave behind our shot glasses, partying laughter, pool side lounge chairs and swim up bars and get serious with an hour long family photo session (yes we know this would take a normal family five minutes).  God Bless we have these memories to last a lifetime - - - fun was had by all!

My families 2011 Christmas letter (for those who didn't receive our mailed copy)

Dear Friends and Family,

My family in Mexico!

 As this holiday season comes upon us, we are thankful for the memories this last year provided.  We wish your family a happy holiday season and hope to hear from you!  We started the year in style by invading Puerto Vallarta on January 1st with a small army (25) of Jen’s family.  This was the trip of a lifetime and we are especially fortunate to have shared these moments with mom, uncles, and aunts.  The hotel staff affectionately referred to mom as “gramma” – I think it may have something to do her gracious nature/tips.   Due to some foggy recollections, we wrote a timeline of the trip to go along with the family scrapbooking pictures, so you have a couple of extra minutes read the back page.

 In March the kids hosted a “non-surprise party” to our 25^th wedding anniversary – the highlight being the chance to visit with many old and new friends and seeing our young adult children plan the party.  In April, we spontaneously decided to accompany Ron (Phil’s brother), Amy and Chip (Amy’s brother) to celebrate our niece’s, Rebecca, 21^st birthday.  She gave us a personalized tour of many attractions in Edinburgh including castles, the school she attended, and pubs and pubs.  A special highlight for Phil and Ron was golfing at St. Andrews Jubilee course and finishing off the golf day with some 30-year old scotch.   Both justified the necessity to blunt their senses for the 2 ½ hour return trip to Edinburgh with Jennifer behind the wheel through winding roads and roundabouts (sometimes in the inappropriate lane).  We also visited London and toured more castles and more pubs.  Of course we only visited the pubs while waiting to tour St. Paul’s Cathedral only a few days before the wedding of Prince William.  Upon returning to Denver, Jeff (Jennifer’s twin) and Jen celebrated their 50^th birthdays!  They celebrated in style with golf followed by dinner and dancing at Jeff’s country club.  What a blast seeing all 100 or so friends and family dance like it was 1985 (or the age they were then)!   I am sure there were many of us hurting the next day - in more ways than one.

Being a year of special #’s – in July we were off to Washington D.C. where Phil received an award for 35 years of service to the government.  We enjoyed our time with Lisa and Phillip, a night of fun at the baseball game with the youthful Phil’s friends and Mike (Phil’s boss), Jamie and Mark Archuleta (sorry again about that whole being late thing and rain and getting a bit drenched).  Having done the tourist things in D.C., we were impulsive for a 2^nd time this year and decided to test our luck and see if we could get into the US Open.  Jen loves to tell of how Phil almost got thrown in jail for attempting to “scalp tickets”  (good thing it was father’s day and they had mercy) but how Jen managed to get $300+ worth of tickets/bus passes for $30.  Other fun moments included playing in a tournament that Lico (Phil’s brother) organized.   We still find ourselveles traveling to Nebraska and New Mexico to visit relatives and parents.

The younger Phil is in year 2 of law school at Georgetown.  He turned 25 in September and we are proud of his efforts.   Greg is still working part-time at BC and attending the University of Colorado at Denver and hopes to finish up in the spring with a degree in applied mathematics (we are very good at nodding while he explains his projects which most certainly are awesome).  Andrea transferred to Metro State College in Denver.  She is enjoying her classes in Secondary Education and English. Phil and Jen LOVE-LOVE-LOVE having both kids at home – they are NEVER grumpy and ALWAYS help out around the house. (Note: May be biased as it was written by Andrea).  As we send you holiday blessings our family is hosting Heri, a 26 year old teacher from Tanzania who is participating in a leadership program.  Heri says that the American’s are very generous and so very kind.  His gracious manner and infectious laugh have been delightful.  Wishing you the best in 2012!                                                                Phil, Jen and kids 

From my writing class:The old man and the tree

             Branches

                                                                            All tangled in different

                                                                Directions; like morning bed head after

                                                     The Bright lights, radiation the men in wearing white

            Your eyes sparkle and begin reflecting images of hope from a once young

               Man- the wrinkles indicating the years like rings on a red wood tree one marking each

                                                                   Year of its life

                                                              Its fall now and the leaves-

                                               Have begun to dissipate from the once

                           Sturdy branches that held everything together- for a moment

                    The chemo destroys the gray hairs that once defined you as wise, mature

        Skin has begun to  feel  rustic like the bark covered in sap surrounding and defending

                                                                   Chains  around

                   The  tree  base

                   And around you

                   Needles poked

                   And prodded in 

‎"The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start."

In twenty-eleven...
I transferred schools.
I ended one job and started new one.
I traded friendships for miles.
I went to Mexico with 40 family members.
I lost sight of God & then I found him again.
I became close friends with several homeless people.
I cried a lot but I also smiled.
I got very confused.
I protested.
I wrote a lot of papers.
I interviewed people & met strangers.
I received the best grades of my college career.
I performed my first slam poem and later on performed one on camera.
I Tebowed in the street with 1,000 other college students.
I "adopted" a brother who lives in Tanzania.
I got diagnosed with an illness.
I saw my Father cry.
I watched lots of Psych & Community.
I laughed.
I read lots of books and short stories.
I spent about 90 minutes every weekday on the train into school.
I injured my knee.
I watched friends get married or engaged.
I changed my major.
I lost Noel.-- Dearest Noel.- ‎"Some people pass through our lives for a season to teach us a lesson that could never be learned if they stayed."
I prayed & prayed a lot.

peter pan syndrom

I guess were growing up.

It makes me sad to think that

eventually we wont see eachother

everday or talk as often, or see

eachother at holidays... we will all

have our own lives and families

to take care of. Things will be

different.

---I'm not ready for that---

I am sorry if I am sharing too much about anyone on here because I did not change names but I'm just trying to be honest

Freshman year of High School most of my really good friends happened to be guys much to my Mothers dismay. I hung out at their houses all the time. My mom would always tell me, "it's improper for a girl to be alone with guys." I guess I never understood why because I grew up with two brothers-I was so used to being the only girl. It was natural.  I have never been a real 'girly girl' but even in my freshman  year it seemed as though guys liked me regardless. I had a MAJOR CRUSH on one of my best guy friends. This is the kind of all consuming crush where it literally hurts to go an hour without thinking about him. The kind where you purposefully stand or sit in spaces with the hope that his hand will gently brush yours. His name was Sam. He had shaggy blond hair that I dreamed a thousand times of running my hands through, baby blue eyes that I could stare into for hours. To me he seemed perfect and little rugged which is what I liked best about him. Like me, he was into classic rock which was a major plus factor. Also like  me, he was a little shy and awkward which I found adorable but really caused some problems since neither of us had enough guts to make the first move.

I remember one of the highlights of High School for me was the day he asked me to Homecoming. I had this red leather hat that I wore practically every day of Freshman year and Sam had a black hat with a Pink Floyd patch sown on it. We used to steal each others hats for fun - it was a game we played. An inside joke we used to tease each other about. Well one day we switched hats but something seemed a little off to me. At lunch Sam went with one of his really good girl friends to kings soopers and me and AJ -my other really good guy friend- went to Starbucks and they asked us to meet up later. When we regrouped later he switched hats with me again so I had my red leather one back. All the sudden everyone was just staring at me obviously waiting for me to respond. But to what? I had no idea what was happening. Sam told me to look up. So I did and realized he had taped a note to the inside bill of my hat. It said will you go to homecoming with me? Then from behind his back he pulled out a single rose and gave it to me. I told him yes and that he was so adorable and he deserved a hug. I wanted to live in that hug for the rest of eternity. It was the only school dance I was ever asked to which is sort of depressing yes but it was really sweet (despite my horrid awkwardness) and I wouldn't trade the experience for different dates to all of the other school dances. Then that winter me and my friend KJ decorated Sam's bedroom and I asked him to the snowball dance. He said yes and it was another awesome night.

We stayed friends that whole year and although we were close friends he had a lot going on in his life that I must not have known about. His mom who for the record was an awesome lady and always so nice to me got cancer- thankfully she is now a cancer free now but I imagine that must have been hard to deal with.

Then summer came and for some reason I completely lost contact with all of my best friends from Freshman year. To be honest to this day I don't know what happened. I mean, I don't remember a specific incident or anything bad. All I know is we hardly talked all summer and when school started up again I was hoping things would get back to normal. Sam and I even had an English class together but hardly talked all semester. Things didn't go back to normal. Things changed and I convinced myself that we had just drifted apart. To this day I still wonder what the hell happened?

Sophomore year was the worst year of high school. I went from having a social group I loved and busy Friday nights to no social group (vaguely associating with my friends in the drama dpt.) and hanging by myself in my room every night. I read a lot of books that year and watched a lot of tv.

I can give credit to these things that saved me:
Books: 1.The Perkes of Being a Wallflower by: Stephen Chewbosky & the classic 2) Catcher in the Rye by: J.D Salinger.
Movies that saved me: 1. Almost Famous (still saves me) 2. Donnie Darko & 3. Never been kissed.
TV: 1) The O.C- I was obsessed with this show!
Music: 1. Jet- Get born (in my opinion one of the greatest albums of all time).

---Some days I still miss freshman year---

Set to sail

The day that I let go of you-

Be it your memory or your hand-

Will be the day I am set to sail

One last time on the open ocean,

A single sail extending from my casket

My flags flying my final colors.

I will say goodbye with but a smile

And my hands will be filled with life

As they drag across your lovely waves.

-Noel I still miss you a lot especially on days like yesterday when it would have been your birthday-

“May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.”

My emotions are all out of wack.



Early Friday morning my Mom woke me up with horrible news. As soon as the words "Noel Cunningham died last night" came out of her mouth tears began flooding like a tsunami that wouldn't stop. The whole day I was an emotional wreck (I still am). Noel Cunningham was with out a doubt the greatest and most caring man I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. I am thankful that I got the chance to know Noel and I know I wouldn't be half the woman I am today with out his love, knowledge and guidance. He was my hero and my mentor but most of all he was my dear friend. For those of you who unfortunately never knew Noel I will tell you a little bit about his character. Noel was from Ireland originally but moved to the states in his twenties as a chef. Noel lived in Denver for a long time and was a highly regarded man in the community he served at his restaurant Strings. He was not only known for feeding you even when you were not hungry but for feeding those starving around the world. In the 1990's he traveled to Ethiopia, Africa with his wife Tammy where they witnessed horrible poverty. He left the country a man on a mission. I don't think Noel ever knew the meaning of the word "no". Shortly after he and Tammy returned from their trip they started a non profit The Cunningham Foundation who I would travel to Ethiopia with on an all expenses paid trip in 2008. Noel was consistent in always telling me how much he loved me and always reminding me that I could achieve anything I was willing to struggle for. Not only did he raise billions of dollars for those in Ethiopia during his lifetime but in the Denver community he was always providing meals for the homeless during thanksgiving, brunch for Mothers with out a family on Mothers day and anything else he could help out with. His wife and him lived simply so that others could simply live. In an article for Black Tie Colorado, Noel Cunningham was asked what he wanted his epitaph to be. His response, "I tried to live life to the fullest - to participate in life. Not just to have been a taker, I left something behind. I hope I put back a little more than I took." (https://www.blacktie-colorado.com/have-you-met/archive-detail.cfm?id=178). Noel definately accomplished this goal. Noel was a lover. I have never seen another man who loved his wife with the deep love that him and Tammy shared. I have never seen a man who loved the world and everyone in it more than Noel. I have never seen a man who loved sharing food and wisdom like he so often did. There is huge hole in my heart at this time but I am looking to the future to help fufill Noels dreams of bringing the world together, educating all peoples and ending world poverty... I want to give more than I take and truly live my life to the fullest. I know today is a step towards doing that and right now I know Noel is proud of me. To his wife Tammy: Words cannot express how sorry I am. I love you. To Noel: Thank you for changing my life, I love you & will live each day with purpose and love for all. Rest In Peace. I love you!

• http://www.9news.com/news/article/233354/188/Local-restaurant-owner-Noel-Cunningham-dies-at-62
• http://www.denverpost.com/breakingnews/ci_19453879?source=rss
• http://www.coloradorapids.com/news/2011/12/plush-statement-noel-cunningham
• http://www.westword.com/1998-01-29/news/noel-cunningham/
• http://www.bizjournals.com/denver/news/2011/12/01/cunningham.html



Noel & Tammy in front of a library they help fund in Ethiopia!



That brings me to my other emotion which is happiness and excitment. Today Herry, a teacher from Tanzania, Africa who is staying with my family for two weeks arrived.My family is so glad to have him here he is truly a beautiful soul and is already teaching us so much as we are also teaching him. It's only day one so I do not have much to say but he already enjoys starbucks and chipotle so he fits right in with my family! He is currently watching Avatar (not sure if he 100% knows whats going on but he seems to be enjoying it) we also played the card game war (I think it bored him but it was the only 2 player game I could think of..).

Next emotion... oh are finals really only two weeks away? well shit! Now im STRESSING THE FUCK OUT!

Love your heart broken, excited, stressed friend,
Andrea

 

 

-- "Live a life that demands explination."--

FUCK!

So here I am writing which is pretty much all I seem to be doing lately... just not so much on here. To be honest life's pretty shitty right now. I keep fucking everything up. Everything is fucked up. At least the doctors know whats wrong with me now... I have been diagnosed with several things (they all suck...) I hate this house. I hate a lot of shit right now. Trying to stay positive but I don't know if I can... I'll be fine just need to give it time.

SMASH PHOTOGRAPHY! LIFE PHOTOGRAPHY!

So, I haven't posted anything of significance in quite a long time. I guess I cant say much except that life is flying by. Lots of school work, lots of work work and some fun has been thrown in their as well. Over all it's been good! Last weekend one of my best friends Nicole Skaff came to town... it was the best time I have had in forever! Man do I miss EVERYONE at Mesa :( I am excited for this weekend... I will be participating in the Denver Zombie Crawl (they are attempting to break a world record for worlds largest Zombie crawl last year was 20,000 strong). But even more exciting on that day Joe Ginsberg will be back in town and will be playing a small show with is new band Baywood at Illegal Petes!!! :D Tomorrow I am going to visit the Occupy Denver protest to get some to information and ideas for my creative non fiction piece due Friday. I am very intrigued by everything that is happening around me. We live in such interesting times! Also planning a trip out with my brother next summer to do a two(ish) week hike of the Appalachian Trail!!! So good... Also, I have been in and out of doctors offices... need to get more blood testing done. Also, my grandpa is really sick probably wont live much longer :( I miss him...

SMASH PHOTOGRAPHY!

So, I haven't posted anything of significance in quite a long time. I guess I cant say much except that life is flying by. Lots of school work, lots of work work and some fun has been thrown in their as well. Over all it's been good! Last weekend one of my best friends Nicole Skaff came to town... it was the best time I have had in forever! Man do I miss EVERYONE at Mesa :( I am excited for this weekend... I will be participating in the Denver Zombie Crawl (they are attempting to break a world record for worlds largest Zombie crawl last year was 20,000 strong). But even more exciting on that day Joe Ginsberg will be back in town and will be playing a small show with is new band Baywood at Illegal Petes!!! :D Tomorrow I am going to visit the Occupy Denver protest to get some to information and ideas for my creative non fiction piece due Friday. I am very intrigued by everything that is happening around me. We live in such interesting times! Also planning a trip out with my brother next summer to do a two(ish) week hike of the Appalachian Trail!!! So good...

The Buried Lights Contest Entry

The Buried Lights Contest Entry

Dear Megan,

Laura, Me ,Pearl, Megan & Kevan celebrating Megans 21st!

Yesterday was one of my Oldest and Best friends 21st birthdays! I have known her 10 years. I met Megan in 6th grade science class with Mr. Burke. The first time we hung out I made up and sang "The Jelly Bean" song to her. Our older brothers were in the same grade and were best friends (they still are). I have always considered Adam (her brother) like a brother to me. I grew up with her family just as she grew up with mine. Last night we celebrated! It had probably been a year since i'd last seen her (I see Adam more than I see Megan) but if felt as if no time had passed at all. That right there is a true friend!

Psalm 30

¹ I will exalt you, LORD,
for you lifted me out of the depths
and did not let my enemies gloat over me.
² LORD my God, I called to you for help,
and you healed me.
³ You, LORD, brought me up from the realm of the dead;
you spared me from going down to the pit.

⁴ Sing the praises of the LORD, you his faithful people;
praise his holy name.
⁵ For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may stay for the night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.

⁶ When I felt secure, I said,
“I will never be shaken.”
⁷ LORD, when you favored me,
you made my royal mountain^[c] stand firm;
but when you hid your face,
I was dismayed.

⁸ To you, LORD, I called;
to the Lord I cried for mercy:
⁹ “What is gained if I am silenced,
if I go down to the pit?
Will the dust praise you?
Will it proclaim your faithfulness?
¹⁰ Hear, LORD, and be merciful to me;
LORD, be my help.”

¹¹ You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
¹² that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.
LORD my God, I will praise you forever.

So my College news paper does this amazing column called "On the Record" where people write about an album/ band that has impacted their life and the stories behind it. I pick up the Met every week just read this section. I knew as soon as I saw it that I wanted to contribute. So tonight I wrote my own piece and I contacted them about how to submit my work. Hopefully it will be published soon! You can view past submissions here: http://www.metnews.org/category/features/audiofiles/on-the-record/ Seriously there are tons of 'em. any music lover would appreciate them.

I feel HURT among other things...

It seems that I've forgotten how to cry

Looks like life is teaching me again

I am friendless; lifeless; loveless

Saw the little brother of the boy I once loved.

 He skate boarded by me on my work break.

Denver

I feel so lonely

in this big 'ol city

times a wasted

when there's no one


to waste time with

Basically to sum up everything I am about to write in this post into one sentence.... Life is crazy intense.
So if you wish, you can stop reading here and forget all the boring almost tedious details of my life.
S               T                  O                P      
(if you wish)

The past few days at my new school have been different, challenging and exciting. There are some major things I love about the Auraria Campus and some major things I miss about Mesa. This semester I am taking 17 credit hours (a Spanish class that is 5 credits, 3different English classes and a Special Education class). Here are some of my favorite parts of camps.

St. Cajetan’s Center

St. Cajetan’s Center

The Tivoli Student Union

One of Denver’s earliest breweries, the Tivoli is a striking architectural example of the city's flamboyant past. Originally named the Colorado Brewery in 1866, Tivoli was founded by German immigrant Moritz Sigi. Subsequent owner Max Melsheimer added the prominent seven story mansard tower and the Turnhalle opera house. In 1901 brewer John Good took over operations, renaming the building Tivoli after the famous gardens in Copenhagen, Denmark.

The Tivoli was one of the most successful breweries in the Rockies, and one of the few to survive prohibition. A major flood and labor strikes forced its closure in 1969. When the Auraria Campus was built, a private developer leased the building and restored it as a specialty shopping center. In 1991, students voted to buy back the lease and renovate the building as a combination retail center and student union.

View from campus of down town

New view!

Light rail- I take it to and from school each day its a 45 minute ride each way. It also a great place to people watch!

The Aurarua Library what a unique bldg.

Ninth Street Historic Park

At the heart of the Auraria Campus, thirteen restored Victorian cottages and one turn-of-the century grocery store serve as a picturesque reminder of the city’s earliest days. The structures on Ninth Street Historic Park, built between 1872 and 1906, comprise the oldest restored block of residences in the city. Ninth Street houses now serve as campus offices. A self-guided walking tour at each building provides information on architecture and early residents. There is no charge for visiting the Park.

This old grocery store in 9th street is now a fantastic Einstine Bros hang out!

*********************************************************************************

My campus has it's own movie theatre!

Auraria campus is comprised of three different schools: Colorado University at Denver, Metropolitan State College of Denver and Community College of Denver (Note: no matter what school you attend you can take many classes at any of the three schools). This combined with the urban setting makes it the perfect back drop for a diverse student campus. Walking around campus I have seen students age 18-80 conversing, people of all ethnic backgrounds interacting, and every sterotype you can imagine. I saw buisness men in suites wearing Cachos, student drum circles, preppy fashionistas, a man dressed like superman on stilts, a homeless man selling The Voice (which is Denvers homeless newspapper written by the homeless, sold by the homeless, providing money for the homeless), a lady asking for signatures to legalize marajuana, and someone from Children International asking me to support a child all in the same block. It's a little well ok alot overwhelming trying to find your own spot at a place thats already crowded but its also so easy for me to get hooked on the mosaic of this campus. I am still finding my nich, trying to make friends, trying to make Metro the home that Mesa became to me for two years. I'm working on it. I'm jumping in to this crazy pool of people and learning to stand where I fit best. 

Mirror mirror on the wall...

I’m staring at my worst enemy and it’s me that’s looking back

With a nose the size of Mount Everest

And black heads like pot holes on an old worn down road

Eyes like mud puddles covered by thick dark glasses

Teeth like a jig saw puzzle

Arms not flabby but weak

Breasts much bigger than necessary

A stomach that says I love a late night snack

Scars across my hips, thighs and legs

Cover up the slight beauty of my soccer toned calves

Wide feet caused by my barefoot habit and mother’s genes

I am imperfection.

You are the only exception.

GO BIG THERE'S NO OTHER OPTION! 

So, I know I am not the best writer out there but I intend to improve. I am amazing at writing essays that allow me to do research and I've been writing poetry & short stories since 6th grade but I know I need to improve in those last two areas. That is why I am entering three poetry contest and one short story contest. The themes are as follows:

What is on your bucket list?

Flash Fiction Writing

Faith

Love

bye!

Tick Tock!

Time really passes fast, just yesterday I was graduating High school now people I graduated with are passing away it's so sad because they are so young. Most recently..... http://www.kwgn.com/news/kdvr-colorado-woman-falls-to-death-from-cliff-in-italy-20110815,0,381574.story Honestly, we weren't friends... not even casual acquaintance's. I'm truly heartbroken for those who love her and were positively touched by her life . I am forgiving and wishing peace for her friends and family. 

"Only the good die young" -Billy Joel

I watch as the sun rises above the Rocky Mountains
I draw in deep breaths from the crisp, cool air
I am twenty- a Colorado native
and this is the first time I have snuck out of my house at dawn to watch the sun set
As the sun creeps over the still snow topped peaks
it's like I can feel all my anxieties floating up into the atmosphere

Better choices

Do you know whats been bothering me a lot lately?


Up to 100 million people are homeless throughout the world, the majority of them women and dependent children.


&


Every day, some 50,000 people, mostly women and children, die as a result of poor shelter, polluted water and inadequate sanitation.


Seriously just think about that. 


To put it in perspective, the population of Colorado is around 5,024,748. Imagine if the population Colorado and 9 other states of a similar size were all homeless? To put it in perspective the United states Population is around 307,006,550. Imagine if 1/3 of our population were homeless. 


Really, I must admit it's not just these disturbing statistics that bother me. It's the fact that I (& my family) live a lifestyle that does nothing to change this statistic. We own a house that is MUCH bigger than we need and a lot of shit to fill it with. We have a bedroom that goes empty over 300 days of the year. All of our bedrooms and  communal rooms have a television set in them. We have more than enough food to feed our family and my Mom is actually pretty good about not wasting food but still a lot of it goes to waste. I have a king size bathtub that I often fill up to  the top with sanitary water that most of the undeveloped world desperately needs to survive. Oh and we purchase bottled water which is the biggest environmental absurdity. I often talk about how I want to change the world. Well it starts with me & it starts with my home. I am not sure if I can do it. Can I really give up my TV? Can I really sell and donate all the shit that clutters up my room? Can I make a conscious effort to use less water and start using a water bottle? I doubt I'll convince my parents to let strangers start staying in that empty room but I'll start small. These changes will not occur all at once. Heck, I may horribly fail but, I am done sitting on the sidelines. I choose right now to make better decisions for our world, for his world. 

Steve Jobs is the definition of brilliance.

Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do. - Apple Inc.

The girl who asked the guy

So here I am 

I'M playing the guy

I get down on one knee and say

Baby wont you marry me

'Cuz all thats guaranteed is today 

Usually its the guy who asks the girl 

in some fairy tale setting 

on the top of the world 

So here I am 

It's 2am 

the moon's shining bright 

on this 'oh dark night

'Cuz all that's guaranteed is today 

Hey baby

I like the way you get shy when I smile

Don't you know your better the me by a mile?

Lets grow old 

Together we  can go out of style

'Cuz all thats guaranteed is today 

I'M the girl who asked the guy

He took my breath away

Jeans and tees that's what he wears

I'M not the kind of girl who cares

His arms wrap around me as the whole world breaks

His smile melts my soul 

And I'M his to take 

'Cuz all thats guaranteed is today 

So what do ya say?