It's still hard to process what just happened in Colorado. It's one of those moments that you will look back on years from now and remember exactly where you were when you heard the awful news. I remember where I was during the Columbine shooting and when the terrorist attacked on 9/11. Unfortunately I will always remember where I was that early July morning. I had gotten home around 2am from the Batman premier at the theater off Colorado Blvd. Jumped on the internet before I was gonna go to bed and that's when I saw the new reports cluttering my Facebook feed. Then my Mom came in to check on me. Said she had woken up and just seen it on the news. I went and stared at the TV reminiscent on 9/11 until 4am when I forced myself into bed waking up in the morning to 24 hour coverage of the incident. It is truly sad what has happened today and I am praying for all those involved. It is a swift reminder to not take a single moment for granted. Sending my all my love I am deeply sorry.

eight-teen

Four more years to go I told myself
I was so young, nieve
Only eight-teen
If I had known then what I know now
I'd run like hell
You've only got one chance to get away
Before the real world leaves you there to stay
I was so young, nieve
Only eight-teen
Could of jumped ship but I stayed for the ride
Convincing myself that in just four years
I'd be free to follow my dreams
But four turned into five
Time turned into money
Life turned into pride
Dreams turned into broken promises
And now I'm left behind
If I had known then what I know now
I'd run like hell
You've only got one chance to get away
Before the real world leaves you there to stay
I was so young, nieve
Only eight-teen

Obsessed

Switcheroo

Go listen to this... http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/468/switcheroo

...Then take my challenge I plan on doing it too. Go to somewhere where nobody will recognize you then be somebody you're not. Be somebody completely different. I plan on doing this this week. ANNNDDDD GO!

Somethings stay with you even if you don't want them to.

Made for a princess (If your name begins with P and ends with hillip DO NOT READ!)

You sent me a picture
It was long
And white
With pink undertones
And intricate detailing on the front
Flowed out at the bottom
Made for a princess

Flash back: favorite writing of mine

http://drea-heartoflife.blogspot.com/2010/07/playing-for-change.html

I go to the airport

Hop on the first 409

It’s Denver to Dallas

The city’s asleep tonight

I’m buying time

I look out the window

The world at my finger tips

Possibilities endless

I don’t know where to go with this

Guitar on my back

What it’s like to feel young

The freedom is freeing

But the dreams all sound dumb

I don’t want a nine to five

I don’t want to settle down just yet

I don’t want to leave this world with even one regret

I walk the streets

As the people walk to the bars

I am starting to realize this city is ours

I won’t sleep for days

As I watch the kids play

Guitar on my back

What it’s like to feel young

The freedom is freeing

But the dreams all sound dumb

The man on the corner

Holding a sign for change

But he doesn’t want money

Although it might sound strange

He's playing for change

old old old

This was my first blog post on 24.06.09 http://drea-heartoflife.blogspot.com/2009/06/nothing-great-in-world-has-ever-been.html
I have since written 215 posts. Kinda crazy to re read all my old stuff.

Perfect Lyrics right now: Ready to Fall by Rise Against

Hold on slow down again from the top now and tell me everything
I know I've been gone for what seems like forever
But I'm here now waiting
To convince you that I'm not a ghost or a stranger
But closer than you think
She said just go on 
To what you pretend is your life
But please don't die on me

Wings won't take me
Heights don't faze me
So take a step
But don't look down
Take a step

Now I'm standing on the rooftop, ready to fall
I'm think I'm at the edge now but I could be wrong
I'm standing on a rooftop ready to fall

Perpetual motion, the image won't focus
A blur is all that's seen
But here in this moment like the eye of the storm
It all came clear to me
I found a shoulder to lean on
An infallible reason to live all by itself
I took one last look from the heights that I once loved
And then I ran like hell

Wings won't take me
Heights don't faze me
So take a step
But don't look down
Take a step

Now I'm standing on the rooftop ready to fall
I'm think I'm at the edge now but I could be wrong
I'm standing on the rooftop ready to fall

I count the times that I've been sorry
I know, I know
Now my compassion slowly drowns
I know, I know
If there's a time these walls could guard you
I know, I know
Then let that time be right now

Now I'm standing on the rooftop
Now I'm standing on the rooftop ready to fall
I'm standing on the rooftop ready to fall
I'm think I'm at the edge now but I could be wrong
I'm standing on the rooftop ready to fall

Now I'm standing on the rooftop (ready to fall)
Now I'm standing on the rooftop (ready to fall)
Now I'm standing on a rooftop (ready to fall)
Now I'm standing on a rooftop ready to fall

Take off your blinders

You're so focused on Her or who you think She is, you hold Her on a pedestal so high it's not even fair or realistic. Take off your blinders and you will see a million amazing women all around. I know She's gorgeous by typical standards but really is that all?  I mean come on I thought you were a little deeper than that, I guess you're still swimming in the kiddy pool call me when your ready for the deep end. I'm out.

That's right Justin Marcus this is for you my dear.

Dear Starbucks Boys,

Thank you. I don't come into Starbucks every time I work nearby because I can't live without my iced caramel coffee, I come in because I have a somewhat HUGE crush on two of the barristas there. Thank you for the occasionally free coffee, the warm smile and the witty banter. Thank you for allowing me to flirt, I missed doing that. I did a Facebook search of your name + Starbucks and guess what you showed up first, three friends in common... turns out we graduated together. Who knew? Maybe if I had known you in high school things would be different. I want to add you on Facebook, but I think that's too obvious, too weird, to creepy. I want to slide my number across the table when I pick up my coffee but we work close by each other and if you thought I was a weirdo I wouldn't be able to hide. I want to be more than a casual acquaintance or customer. I want to ask you to take a break together sometime and go eat real quick... is that too obvious? O' wise soulful Starbucks boy.. what do I do?

--Me

Veronica Mars

Veronica: So what are you like now?
Logan: You know, tortured... ever since I got my heart broken.
Veronica: Hannah really did a number on you, huh?
Logan: Come on, you know I'm not talking about Hannah. I thought our story was epic, you know, you and me.
Veronica: Epic how?
Logan: Spanning years and continents. Lives ruined, bloodshed. EPIC. But summer's almost here, and we won't see each other at all. And then you leave town... and then it's over.
Veronica: Logan...
Logan: I'm sorry about last summer. You know, if I could do it over...
Veronica: Come on. Ruined lives? Bloodshed? You really think a relationship should be that hard?
Logan: No one writes songs about the ones that come easy.

What's your take on 'epic love' should love be as simple as "I want to hold your hand"? Is that too naive and idealistic?   Or should it be an epic, hard fought won battle? Or is that too complicated and dark to be something as sappy as love?

Young Love

We may only have tonight
But till the morning sun, you're mine
All mine
Play the music low
And sway to the rhythm of love

My heart beats like a drum
A guitar string to the strum
A beautiful song to be sung
She's got blue eyes deep like the sea
That roll back when she's laughing at me
She rises up like the tide
The moment her lips meet mine

We may only have tonight
But till the morning sun, you're mine
All mine
Play the music low
And sway to the rhythm of love
-Plain White T's

I feel pretty today

I cut off the birds nest that was my hair.

--contrary to popular belief, knowing your beautiful does not make you conceded it makes you revolutionary--

If this description fits: APPLY WITHIN

I.

Want.

A.

Guy.

I want a guy who loves Jesus more than me.

I want a guy who my brothers like.

I want a guy who likes my brothers.

I want a guy who is smart but not cocky. 

I want a guy who is actually sarcastic and witty.

I want a guy who is interested in current events.

I want a guy who tries to give more than he takes. 

I want a guy who is generally nice to everyone he meets.

I want a guy to stand stand front row at a local concert with me.

I want a guy who would listen to my NPR radio shows with me.

I want a guy who listens to classic rock but doesn't smoke pot all the time.

I want a guy who is what I imagine Marcus Flutie would look like if he were real. 

I want a guy who is down to travel the world and live in a small hut in Africa with me.

I met M at school. He looked to be in his 50's. He looked like the kind of person who's story you just needed to know. He also looked rugged- wearing the same clothes day after day and as some might say he looked a little scary.

However M and I quickly became aquatinces and later friends. We would sit outside in the quad often chatting about life, politics, our beliefs, anything really. I learned that M was basically homeless and had been for years. At the time he had enough money to rent a hotel that he had been staying in. I asked him how at 58 he had dedcided to enroll in college for the first time and how he could afford it.  He said another homeless friend had told him that you could recieve a free RTD pass if you enrolled at Auraria Campus. It sounded good to him! So he figured out how to get student grants and enrolled in college taking 6 credit hours. One math class and one english course. He is probably the most dedicated student I have met on that campus- litterally spending eight to ten hours outside of class a day seven days a week studying.

He once shared with me parts of his life story including becoming "born again through Christ" and then getting kicked out of the pastors house he was staying at after getting involved with the pastors wife, being a troubled teenager, jail and becoming homeless- drifting in and out of jobs. M is a kind soul, he loves talking to people and is always willing to share the food he picks up at the food bank on campus. More than once has he offored me a sandwhich despite the fact that he has no home, no income and very little posessions. We share lunch in the quad and on cold days i'll buy him a hot chocolate.

For M I believe school was a fresh start. I have met several of his homeless friends who he keeps encouraging to enroll in school. I'll hear them say between whisky breaths, "nah man I couldn't do that" and he just keeps telling them that they can and they should.
It seems they all like to drink a lot but M never comes to school drunk, he only drinks at night when hes winding down.

M doesnt know what major he will choose but enjoys English and would like to be a teach but says it's almost impossible due to prior felonies. M has lived so many lives but it seems like he's only just beginning at the age of 58. I have high hopes for M.--

"I write about love and such maybe 'cuz I want it so much now I'm not who I was"- Brandon Heath

I wish that I was enough for a guy to want me- to want to date me- to like me. I know I'm not pretty but I'm nice. I feel like being nice counts for very little these days. There's the sang and popular belief that "nice guys finish last" well, I think the same is true for women. Women seem to mostly be attracted to douche bags and guys seem to me at least to like the bitchiest women. Why is this? I know a woman who was a pathological liar in high school and even she found a guy who liked her enough to want to get married. I honestly feel like I am a pretty awesome person but obviously a failure with men.

Quick, Cheep and Easy

I wish that college was like that (sometimes).

Found an old poem I must have written over a year ago...

Agape

My grandparents met at a Bible study

My grandma was sixteen at the time

A few weeks after meeting they were married

My uncle proposed to my aunt

A few days after she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer

You were there through it all 

You have lived through generations

You are every encyclopedia in every language

You have seen the world through every lens 

and I 

I found You on a hot summers day

In the lines of a poem my grandfather wrote

I found You on the day I finally found myself

I had ignored You for years

Yet You still embarrassed me with open arms

You wrapped me in Your love like a cocoon

Protecting me from the harsh conditions of this world 

You were there through it all

You are everything

You're the nights my brother almost killed himself but didn't 

You're the day my parents met

You're the first painted line on the Sistine Chapel 

You're the kick off whistle at the world cup

You're the song that has yet to be written

You are all consuming 

My eternal lover

Our romance is an epic

You paid the highest price for my sins

You brought me alive before I was just living.

I, myself am a broken person living in a broken world that only God can fix.