I don't quite know how to start this post. It has been awhile since I have found the time to write down my thoughts and I have so much to say that I don't know where to begin.

I am now 4 months in to my first year of teaching and I am surviving (and hell I'll even dare say sometimes thriving at what I do). I'll write more on this later (too much to say here... I need to organize my thoughts).

 I am 3 months in to living on my own for the first time (paying rent without my parents help, buying my own groceries and doing my own laundry). There are times when I really like living on my own and then there are the nights that seem too long with no one to talk to and the loneliness can be overwhelming. My best friends live an hour away (as does my family) which is why I have spent almost every weekend at my parents.

I live in a "hip, young neighborhood" and have yet to connect with anyone besides my coworkers. How do people my age make friends now days? Tinder. I downloaded Tinder, uploaded my best photos, wrote a little about me, swipped and waited. And then an adorable musician asked me, "what foods do you enjoy cooking?" I responded, we chatted, I flirted, he enticed me with his vast music knowledge, we watched movies over Netflix together, he flirted even more, we exchanged selfies, and for the first time in years in was really really excited about a guy. Then one night when we were flirting he asked me if I was a virgin. I replied truthfully that yes I was. He got freaked out. Said oh I still like you but thats too much pressure. I don't know how thats any pressure. I wasn't asking him for sex. All I was asking for was conversation (which flowed easy for us) and yes the flirting was nice. He made me feel special. For once I felt attractive and young. Now we send an occasional text to each other but nothing more. No more flirtatious responses, no more music chats and no more Netflix movie nights over the phone. It makes me feel like shit. Like I don't matter... Like our previous conversation and connection doesn't matter. I know it was only like 2 months but it can still sting. The after effects are lingering. I hate being reduced to a sexual act. Not having anyone to talk to makes the hard stuff at work even harder. I don't know what twenty three is supposed to feel like... Maybe this is it.