Limbo, twenty three, a boy.

I feel like I am in limbo. I am constantly in this like awkward transition. I am changing a lot from the girl I used to be. I am more bold in some aspects and yet still shy and awkward in my most daily interactions. A lot has happened; a lot is happening. I really want to write about my job ( I want to be able to look back on these memories of my first year in teaching) but every time I try to sit down and put it into words nothing comes out. I am not sure if I am exactly where I am supposed to be or if I am still missing something major.

I am the only one in my core friend group who is not living with there parents in the same suburban area we all grew up in together. This makes it hard to relate to them on some level and to really discuss if what I am feeling is normal for twenty three. There's also this boy. The boy I wrote somewhat scathingly about in my last post. Not long after that post things got somewhat  back to normal between the two of us. I like him a lot. Maybe too much. I can't tell if he still likes me (in that way). Sometimes I wonder if I truly like him or if I like the attention he gives me, Let's be honest I am not a girl who gets a lot of attention from guys (this is rare!) so it does feel nice to have someone who goes out of their way to text you, or send you a cute selfie, or flirt with you, or call you babe, and tell you that "he's sweet on you". However; these things have been happening less and less recently. I used to stay up until after midnight when his shift ended just so I could text him good night. We'd sometimes stay up texting until 5 am when I had to go to work, Now we still text everyday but it's not the same, I wonder if he is bored of me,  I know that a few months before we met he got out of a pretty serious relationship and isn't looking to jump into anything right away. I mean he has made it clear to me that for now we are just friends and I have made it clear to him that I like him and whatever happens with that is up to him, I even mailed him a handwritten letter, a drawing, a mix tape on a flash drive, and a headphone splitter (he is a musician and has talked about coming to visit me soon from BoCo so I said we could use it to listen to music together, I painted a C on one side for him and an A on the other for me). He liked the gift a lot... I am such a dork, He even showed it off to his roommate but it's been a bit now and no concrete plans of us actually meeting have been in the works, I know money is tight for him too and that neither of us have a car but I really just want to meet him, hold his hand, hug him, listen to music together and watch Netflix. I also worry that he wont like me. I mean he knows what I look like but I worry that he wont think I am pretty in person.  I worry too much this I know but still it makes me smile just to know he thinks about me sometimes. We have good conversations and I have fun flirting with him so in the end I just try to leave it at that and not over think shit so much, Fingers crossed that it all works out.