EVERYTHING MAKES ME MISS YOU!

Happy St. Patrick's day to my Irish father Noel! Miss you and love you! Send me the luck of the Irish will ya? forever in my heart and on my mind.

I wonder if I missed out

Last night, I stumbled upon the "Colorado Mesa University Confessions Page" &  a "CMU Missed connections page". Reading through countless logs it made me wonder if I have missed out on the "college experience." There were post about parties (the kind you think of when you think of college), and more disturbing party/ sex stories that my virgin eyes didn't need to read. Although I am sure some of these logs are made up, some are also real. People detailed countless drunken nights, awkward dates and missed connections. I honestly couldn't relate to ANY of the posts on the "Confessions Page." At first it made me wonder if Mesa had changed that much since I left (become more of a party school) or if I was just nieve and had missed out on a right of passage. While I will NEVER be the girl that has random meaningless sex, and gets drunk every weekend, I see nothing wrong with going to an occasional party. You could say I was a part of the "Jesus group" at Mesa (which I am proud of) & the "housing group" which meant parties I went to included board games, movies and snacks. I guess maybe I am longing for someone i'll never be. I definitely would not change my friends at Mesa or anything I did while I was there because it was the BEST but sometimes you gaze at the other side and wonder is the grass is greener? I'm turning 22 this month and have never been drunk, never been out clubbing, partying or to a bar (for the specific purpose of just drinking and meeting guys). I don't like makeup or short dresses. I know I am a cool person, so why do I feel the need to prove my self through these ridiculous acts that other girls put on? I don't know.... I feel like I'm missing out and i'll be the English teacher forever alone with my books. Rant done.

I am tired

I am tired of spending 20 hours on a single lesson plan only to get a "B"
I am tired of professors telling me,
 "statistics show that close to 50% of fresh college grads with teaching degrees quit the profession within the first five years."
"You'll be in school from 7-5 and up grading papers and writing lesson plans until 3 am."
"If your lucky enough to get hired right out of college, it will most likely be the day before school begins so you will have no prep time"
"You'll have days where you just want to cry but can't and years where your flat out not the best teacher you could be"
"You have to worry about standards, administrators, parents, 30 year knowledge, CEC classes and most importantly students lives"
And now to sleep. :)

Whimsical

I leave art work made from scraps of food in coffee shops; I pretend my shadow is a person following me and create elaborate stories in my head of a great escape, involving witty remarks, I draw stars that exist only in my mind and write the endings to stories that have yet to begin; I believe the depth of one's life is measured by the number of times they make another person smile. Smile. Gapped tooth, big lips, coffee stained smile. People are like constellations; we are each our own bright star and when we connect with others we make pictures in the sky. I create silly faces from scraps of food at coffee shops. Smile please.

Well, sometimes I feel crazy.

I remember the semester before I transferred sitting on the floor of my room in Monument hall crying on the phone to my brother telling him between gasps of breath that all I really wanted was to do something meaningful, to do something that made a difference. I told him I didn't want a normal life, a boring life. I wanted to change the world for the better when I graduated. I asked him if I was crazy? He said no.

Shaker

Is it really so ridiculous to think that I might just be able to change the world.

Obligatory new years post

I know it's cliche but here goes New Years Resolutions or whatever one wants to call it...

1. Get Good Grades! (I have been doing pretty good so far but know that I can be doing better!) :)
2. Stay Positive! (It's really as simple as that)
3. Give EVERYTHING To God!
4. Get Into "Shape"! (I know it's cliche but it's also something that I want for myself.)
5. Give More!
6. Get More Involved! 
7. Spend More Quite Time! (Away from books, electronics, Facebook, music etc.)

tbc....

I never dreamed the sea so deep, The earth so dark; so long my sleep, I have become another child. I wake to see the world go wild. 
- Allen Ginsberg

Grasp the simplicity of reality

Our lives are mostly small with a few peaks, but even the peaks seem smaller as the years go by. God's way is to lead us into faithfulness in little. It’s the steady culmination of these faithful, small deeds that makes our lives dynamic and great. It comes down to loving the people right in front of you, serving when no one is looking, remaining loyal to the truth and maintaining a perpetual dialogue with God through His word. Really, all the hype is just that, hype.... But once you grasp the simplicity of reality, it's glorious.- Misty Edwards

Scenes from a Greyhound Bus - A Snovel written for my Nature Writing class

“Were happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time; it’s miserable it’s magical oh yeah”     -Taylor Swift, Twenty-Two

            With $60 in her pocket she pays the man $38 at the ticket booth. She waits patiently while her ticket prints out, grabs it and sits near the bus gate until her departure is called. This is a place she knows well having traveled across Colorado by bus throughout her late teens and twenties. She recalls a ride from Grand Junction where an obnoxious drunk on the back of the bus caused the driver to stop- all she wanted was to see her dad one last time; or when the tire popped and the passengers were left waiting, as fluffy white flakes drifted lazily from the sky, for over 3 hours until a new bus arrived. This type of travel can be exhausting, but there is nothing like the scenic beauty from a bus window, the uncertainty because your fate is in another man’s hands and the awkward closeness of sharing such magical mountain moments with complete strangers.  Today she has somewhere to be but riding the bus brings a solace to her. It’s where all the major moments in her life have occurred.

“Bus 302 heading west towards California” is announced over the intercom but it sounds more like “Buhhh threeohto heed wef to calif”. Luckily, she is fluent in intercom voice so she heads to the line to check bags and get on.

She stands up situating her backpack--it is the only item she brought. A carry on, filled with a camera, a notebook, pens, colored pencils, a Bible, head phones, sparkly white flats, and of course her veil neatly folded  and pressed. Her dress and other necessities were taken to the Church in Glenwood Springs ahead of time. She takes the window seat front row. She has identified what type of people sit in the back, the middle, the front. She feels safest behind the bus driver. The bus pulls slowly out of the gate, a loud thud and onto the busy downtown scene. They head south on 19^th street toward Curtis as the buzz of the city lulls several passengers to sleep.

The driver announces, “Welcome aboard folks! Looks like we have lovely weather today should be an easy pass through the mountains. Our first drop off point will be in Idaho Springs, then Frisco and then a 5 minute stretch break in Vail. There is no alcohol allowed on the buses you can have your Colorado Kool-Aid aka Coors Beer when you depart at your stop. Settle in and be kind to one another.”

            She stares out the window as they pass the sky rises eventually hopping onto Interstate 70 as the passengers leave fleeting memories of Green Mountain and pass the road signs for Red Rocks Amphitheater- “a geological phenomenon [it is] the only naturally-occurring, acoustically perfect amphitheater in the world.” She remembers in vivid detail the first concert she ever saw there. She was in 8^th grade and her dad took her to see Los Lonely Boys. Her memories consist of the little things, like the smell of Coors Beer on her dad’s breath, the low whistle of the amp situated in front of them or the way the moon light reflected off of the rocks giving the whole place an auburn aura. The skyline behind her disappears. It is 7am and the sun is playing peek-a-boo behind the mountains as the bus heads in that direction.  She puts her head phones on to avoid the distractions of the heavy breathers and soft humming of the bus engine.

The sun is now blaring into her line of vision causing her to shade her eyes with one hand. About an hour and a half into the trip the bus pulls over at a small park in Idaho springs, Colorado. This town is known for its historic mining as a part of the Pikes Peak Gold Rush in 1859. She recalls coming here every summer of her childhood. Her family loved to raft on the Clear Creek River. She was 12 the first time she hopped in a raft and paddled on what seemed like monstrous waves, 10 to 20 times her size. In reality it was only class 1 rapids merely ripples in the water. None the less, when she fell into the freezing water that first day her mother about had a heart attack. That day you would have seen her mother waling her oar in the air, arms flapping wildly, almost knocking the guide off the boat yelling, “My baby, my baby! Help!” She remembered the basic training; lie on your back and float down stream with the water. She could feel the scares amounts of fish pooling beneath the weight of her heavy body. A rough hand clutched her wrist, it was her fathers, and she knew she would be okay. They went back three times that summer and every summer thereafter until she moved away. It is a place filled with fond memories of water fights, family bonding and growing up like a fish in the water. She craved the rushing swells over the boulder rocks, the drone of paddling in motion eventually working her way up to class 4-5 rapids. She could feel her fathers hand clutching her wrist as the bus began to move. It was comforting—the thought that he was there with her.

The bus pulled back onto the interstate and to the right she saw her favorite Beau Jo’s Pizza- the place her family always went to wind down from an intense sun soaked, water filled day. On this day the river is low and the rocks protrude from the creek bed. Rafting season is over and low levels make it impossible to ride despite the still warm weather.

Off to the left in the distance she can see Mount Evans which is covered in snow this time of year. It was the first 14er she ever climbed. Her memory of the actual hike, the grueling amount of time it took her to shuffle up the mountain that looked over the vast expanse of Colorado, was clouded. She remembers that day clearly because it was on the bus ride home when she received a call from her mother.

“Honey, I don’t want to worry you too much but your father is in the hospital. He’s pretty sick and I think you need to come visit him when you get back to Denver from your hike. We love you; call us when you get in.” Click and the message went dead.

It was the first time her dad got really sick. After that the calls became regular and the shock wore off.

The bus continues to weave up the I-70 Mountain transient eventually passing the continental divide traveling through the stretch of the Eisenhower tunnel. The tunnel was completed in 1979 allowing easier travel through the mountains- it is the longest mountain tunnel in the US and the highest on the Interstate Highway system. She remembers as a kid trying to hold her breath throughout the entire length of the tunnel as the orange florescent light blinded her vision, making the tunnel seem longer and more enclosed.

She aimlessly stares out the window noticing how the mountain pine beetle was slowly killing the expanse of the once beautiful, lush green Colorado trees. It saddens her to see the trees turning a burnt rust color, the branches cracked, and its life gone. She unconsciously plays with the engagement ring on her finger slowly realizing that in just a few short hours her life will begin anew.

The bus nears Vail—a high class ski town with houses in the millions of dollars—the last drop off point before her final destination. As a young child her parents took her skiing on the Vail bunny hill ski slope. It only took her one run to know it wasn’t for her but she watched in awe as herds of skiers danced, swiveling, and turning leaving tracks in the snow racing towards the bottom of the hill. Her dad was one of them—a weekend winter warrior whose grace grazed the powder almost every weekend during ski season. This is also the place where she first met her fiancé. “Fiancé” she said it aloud and giggled anxiously catching weird looks from her bus neighbors.

Her heart begins to flutter with excitement. Just like the first time they met re-creating it almost exactly. The bus pulls off at the local ‘Cum and go’. An emphatic thud and she knows that in a few moments her soon to be husband will enter the bus. She can’t ditch the huge smile spreading across her face.

It was only six months before when she was taking the same route via bus from her father’s funeral back to school in Grand Junction at Colorado Mesa University. She had slept through the Vail stop that time and when she woke up the bus was just outside of Glenwood Springs. A soft face man was sitting next to her, quietly reading his Bible. He had shoulder length curly ginger hair and eyes that made you feel like he was in on a secret that you just needed to know. He turned to her and silently handed her a Kleenex, She hadn’t even realized that she had been crying during her nap but her face was moist with sweet salty tears. She felt embarrassed. “Who cries on a public bus?” She thought aloud. He asked her in a whisper almost inaudible, “could I pray for you?” They closed their eyes and bowed there head. She prayed that God could give her peace about her father’s passing. She missed him more with each snowflake that drifted lazily from the swirly gray sky. They were in their own world on that bus. She snapped her head up becoming more allusive from her thoughts and there he was an adorable smile plastered on his face, his ginger hair flopping wildly beneath his knitted winter hat. He sat down silently and held her hand playing with the ring on her finger.

She had heard it all recently, “you’re too young”, “you met him on a bus six months ago, how well do you really know him?” and “marriage is for life!” As if I didn't know these things. In this moment, sitting on the bus staring as she watched the Vail ski bums rotating up and down the pure white slopes she knew that this was the right decision. She only wished that her father could be there. There would be no father daughter dance and no one to ‘officially’ give her away. The reflection in the bus window looked like that of a broken little girl not a woman so in love that she was getting married in just a few hours. She felt the warmth of her fathers hand on her wrist again and smiled looking longingly up at the sky. She squeezed her soon to be husbands hand as the bus thumped its way through Glenwood Canyon. They were almost there; she just had one last person she needed to talk to.

“When are you going to be here? The staff is letting me leave for a little while your mother and I thought we could go to dinner and celebrate your twenty second birthday! Call me soon pumpkin. Love you.” He chuckled. Click—the last message she ever received from her dad. She saved it and played it when she needed him most. She hadn't played it in a full week. It wasn't a profound message about life or love or loss. It was just one of those messages you leave normally because the day before your whole life changes is just like any other day.

As the charcoal sky began to turn to black, the sun tucked away under the mountain peaks she remembered the quote her father always used to read to her, “I haven’t a clue how my story will end, but that’s all right. When you set out on a journey and night covers the road, that’s when you discover the stars.”-Nancy Willard

Stay Positive- There is GOOD in the world & I can prove it to you

Brought to you by Meant 4 Movement spreading positive thoughts!
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151163567413512&set=pb.138401748511.-2207520000.1355723215&type=3&theater

Right now a nation is grieving in the aftermath of a horrible tragedy. People are understandably angry and upset. Saddened for the lives that were lost too soon. Debates over gun control policy and mental health issues in society have cluttered not only my Facebook but my television and dinner conversations too (I am guilty of this as well). While it is understandable that people would need to discuss these issues and I feel it is important for them to be discussed; a person can only hear so much sad news (even if it is part of our reality) before they begin to ask, "where is the good in life?" 

I began to ask myself this question a  few months ago. See, I live in Colorado and my summer was overwhelmed with news of destructive fires, the now famous theater shooting at the Batman midnight premier which took the lives of 12 innocent people including a student at my school, news of missing children like Jessica Ridgeway and Dylan Redwine (who is still missing) were all that seemed to be being talked about. Then  when I heard the horrifying news of yet another school shooting on Friday. I was exacerbated. I wanted to yell "ENOUGH!" I watched the news unfold all day. I finally had to pull myself away just to take a deep breath and remind myself that there is good in humanity. So that is what I wanted to show you as well. Looking back over  this past year even through the though times I distinctly remember so many beautiful, amazing, good, kind moments that have positively impacted me and society. So here they are listed below some are personal to me others were seen perhaps around the world but they all showed me the 'good'. 

I take no credit for stories, videos or photos below that are not my own personal accounts!

1. Starting at the beginning of this Fall semester--probably my most memorable moment on campus was when a homeless man invited me to lunch with him. Yep! You heard me right a homeless man invited me to eat lunch with him on campus at the church that hands out free lunch everyday. \

  2. I spent 2 days volunteering at an awesome awesome event called "Project Homeless Connect." Here I helped walk 3 homeless people around a huge complex that was set up to provide resources to the homeless. I helped one man get free legal aid to help him pay a medical bill after he got major food poisoning. Another man I helped figured out how to get housing assistance and get back on food stamps. I helped a sweet old man who told me about how he used to volunteer with Dig trees Colorado, to get his identification back (he had a very complicated life story). And on the light rail home that day another volunteer confessed to me that he had once been homeless--after his wife died in a car accident he was left taking care of their 7 daughters by himself, then the bad economy hit, he lost his job and the family lost their house-- PHC helped his family and he wanted to return the favor. Another man shared a similar story of how PHC helped him get a job and turned his life around.

3. I had a stranger yell a Rumi quote at my class and it literally changed my life.. "Let the beauty of what you love be what you do; there are a thousand ways to kneel and kiss the Earth."

4. Recently; 

5. Not personal but as a future teacher I was really excited about this positive school! 

6. Again not personal but I like so many others was inspired by this video: Canes Arcade 

Caine's Arcade from Nirvan Mullick on Vimeo.

7. Saw this video of what some college students were doing to spread some holiday cheer in an airport 

8. The people who helped out anyway they could during Hurricane Sandy

9. This was a wall that Texas A&M students created to block the westburo baptist church from protesting a soldiers funeral . 

10. The parents who honesty and thoughtfulness surprised airplane passengers. 

11. The person who passed on the kindness they had received so many years before.

12. This guy. 

13. The military father who still finds time to read a book to his kid. 

14.

15.The man who raised $600,000 for Karen Klein --the bus monitor who was horribly bullied by middle schoolers who then posted a video of the "merciless taunting" online. 

In conclusion folks, my faith has been restored in humanity. No life is not all good but, it's not all bad either and I think we all need to remember that the next time we turn on a TV or start feeling like all is lost in the world because you can always always find good. I encourage you to stay positive and act positively towards others because it will be a ripple effect. I pray for the day that I can watch the news without one sad or disturbing story. 

-A

 

Some called it 'luck' I called it a God moment

Today I had to go down to my campus just to hand in a sheet to my professor. Once I completed that task I decided to walk across Colfax to purchase a coffee. I realized once inside the Starbucks that I didn't have any money on me (I searched my wallet and bag) so I paid with part of a gift card I found in my wallet.

As I  walked out a few minutes later a women I had never seen before said, "excuse me mam?" She began to cry and I could see the pain in her eyes as she retold me the story of her day. Her son had been hit by postal truck and ended up at Children's Hospital in Aurora, CO. Her family (her, her husband and their  4 kids) had just been visiting from out of town. Last night the hotel room they were in got broken into and someone stole their wallets. All she was asking me for was help finding resources that could help her. Her family needed $7 more dollars to keep the hotel room they had tonight or they would be on the street. Someone had told her to walk down Colfax and find resources there . She recounted to me how she walked into into one church off Colfax to ask for help and they said, "I'm sorry your not a member we can only give financial needs to our members." she cried even harder telling me "I am a member of God's Church!"

This interaction she described left me feeling furious. I told her that I had no cash on me but that I had a Starbucks gift card and she could have that. She said she would try to trade it to a customer for the amount on it in cash. My mind raced trying to think of ways to help her eventually I just told her I would pray that God would provide. I walked away with a tear in my eye. Something told me to look in my bag and make sure I had no money I could give her even though I had previously looked. I unzipped the pocket in my bag and inside was exactly $7 that I swear had not been there before. I ran back with a tear in my eye and said "I found your 7 dollars!" She beamed me the brightest smile, thanked me profusely & walked to her car to drive back to the hotel.

On the light rail home I began to wonder if her story was true--I mean it seemed pretty crazy. I guess I'll never know if her story was true or how she spent the 7 dollars I gave her. In that moment though I could see the pain deep in her eyes and the raw emotion told me she really needed me to help her and that she apparently really needed that 7 dollars because God provided that money it through me. I hope her days get brighter, that her son is okay, and that her family is able to find resources to help them out. Maybe this story isn't as crazy to you as it was to me but I honestly don't know where that 7 dollars came from but from God.

My dream, well one of them any way

How to feel like the color Red - A poem from my Nature writing class

NOT MY PHOTO!!! Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/rondakimbrow/6869576731/

Wake up early and stand among the sanguine sandstone 

Desolate, silent desert 

Sprawling space

And beyond that the sky line

The obnoxious high pitch of a horn

As a train weaves its way though town

The passengers only catching glimpses of the American west

And its radiating rust residue

That dust the flat top mesas 

The scene completely red 

Only for a moment.

1 year

:( I can't believe a year has come already since you passed away. I miss you like crazy and wish everyday that I could see you. Your love has not been forgotten... you have not been forgotten. I love you & miss you & just wish you were here. I came across these Facebook gems from you to me..

Ameseginalehu (thank you in Amharic)

Tomorrow is thanksgiving and it is really hard for me to articulate all of the beautiful things that God has given me and how thankful I am. Beyond words.

It's not all clear now but in the future it will be...

Steve Jobs--Apple CEO and visionary--once said, "you can only connect the dots looking backwards." By this he meant that you can't fully see God's plan for your life when you are living it. It is only once you are removed from that time period in which you can reflect and "connect the dots." Right now the picture of my life is not all clear but, I can really feel that this is a year I will look back on years from now and say, "wow, I didn't know it then but God was doing some really super sweet stuff in my life!" These 3.5 years since I graduated high school have been crazy and I honestly don't regret anything. I am happy with the woman I am becoming. For the first time in my life I feel at peace with where God has placed me. I  still day dream about traveling and world adventures almost constantly but I now realize the importance of what I am doing right now and how God will connect all these dots in the future. I just feel really excited about my major and can't wait until I am actually a teacher-- I have begun ignoring those voices that tell me I can't do it, that it's too hard, that I won't succeed and that I am not smart enough. I can't believe I bought into those lies for this many years. This time of year is extremely important to me. So many memories, anniversary's both good and sad that are coming up. 4 years since I was in Africa, 1 year since my beautiful friend passed on and 1 year since meeting my Tanzanian brother Heri for the first time. It's really a time that makes me reflect.

God & politics

Okay I have to admit something, it's really getting to me and I have tried to keep my mouth shut but that's just not who I am. When did republican come to equal Christian and when did liberal mean that your automatically an atheist? Why is anti- welfare and supporting war a "Christian" value? (I am generalizing jokes/ statements recently seen on facebook) I don't get it. I wonder at one point politics and nationalism will polarize us from God. There's more I want to say but I am trying to be careful in my words and not offend.

Flashback and forward at once

Last time Obama got elected I was 17, a few months shy of voting, a senior in high school who had volunteered on his campaign despite being underage. I remember being told that I was too young to understand the man I supported but 4 years, 3.5 more years of education, world experiences and lots of learning by mistakes later looks like I haven't changed as much as I sometimes think. 


I remember pretty soon after the election traveling to Ethiopia where I found a barrage of Obama support and people in another country who were as excited as I was for Obama to be President. It makes me wonder if the general support from Ethiopia is the same as it was 4 years ago. I hope so :)

Would Mother Theresa have supported Romney?

Although this ad aims to point out that Obama doesn't respect religious rights, the more subtle advertising message and the first thing everyone in my family pointed out when they saw this ad was that the message was, Mother Theresa supports Romney. 

No, I don't think Mother Theresa would have voted for Romney if she could have. In fact, I don't think she would appreciate having her image tied to this ad released by The Catholic Association. I need to be careful here and qualify this by saying that no one knows who she would have voted for in this election if she could have, this is only my opinion. One thing I do know about Mother Theresa is that she was a devote Catholic and dedicated the majority of her life to providing care to those in need around the world. Her mission was dedicated to the idea of Health Care for all. Sounds to me a lot like Obamacare. She is one of the few people I can look to that truly lived her life as an example of Christ. She lived as true to the Bible as anyone I have yet to find throughout history.

In high school she was a huge influence to me. I noticed at that time in my life, a lot of hypocracies within the Church but, Mother Theresa was aside from all that.When I was a Senior in high school I had one of the most profound experiences of my life after visiting one of Mother Theresa's orphanages in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. This was an orphanage set up for kids who were HIV positive and had been abandoned by their families. It was heart wrenching the way the kids would grab your hand and crawl all over you- they just wanted some attention, some love. Under Romney's plan these kids would possibly not receive the care they so desperately need.

When I first saw this ad I was really personally offended. First by the notion that Mother Theresa supports Romney and later by the notion of the Church being so politically active and using their power to persuade voters. Did God not grant us freewill for a reason?

So, I feel like I am at the point in my shpeel where I have become incoherent and am not making a solid argument. Sorry if my ideas are jumbled, they make a clear picture in my head but to be honest this post was hard to form into words. So sorry for that. Anyway, opinions, words, shpeel below if you feel the need.
-A