5.7.10

Go!

Todays Facebook status should help explain my writing: I love life right now I really do, I love college, I love learning, I love my family and I love my friends. I love it all but I read stories from friends in Africa, or look at pictures of people I know in India, I see videos of the pyramids and I just want to buy a one way ticket and go, I just want to go see the world and make a difference! It's like this itch that I can't scratch...I can really feel it today!


My parents always told us growing up that they wanted to be able to take family vacations and go on trips providing us memories that would last us a lifetime. So every couple of years after they had saved up enough money we would take a big trip and the years in between we would take less expensive road trips or just outings to visit family members in near by states. Honestly most of my best memories stem from these trips. 


In 8th grade my family went to England (and France for a day via the chunnel). This was where I first heard my favorite band Queen. It was my introduction to the music that eventually consumed my life. Throughout high school my family took trips to my Aunt and Uncle's time shares in Mexico. Although these trips were more vacation and less of a cultural learning experience I still got to visit the sites and see life from a new and unique perspective. I have visited sacred Mayan temples in Mexico, watched as thousands of turtles roll in from the ocean, sat in my mothers lap in a Mexican cab with my brothers wobbling on the lawn chairs that were sitting in the trunk, and I have been fortunate enough to see the beautiful Mexican sunset. 


I have been on air planes more times than I can count on four hands. My parents have taken us to Disney (world and land), Las Vegas (NM and NV), Washington DC (3 + times), California, Florida, New mexico, Nebraska, Kansas, North Dakota, Arizona, New York, Chicago, Utah, Canada, Washington, South Dakota, Texas and more that I am probably forgetting. 


Last summer my family spent 10 days in 12 airports and 3 Hawaiian Islands! It is one of my most cherished family memories. The people in Hawaii are as beautiful as the islands. I saw black sand for the first time. Went snorkeling for the first time. Did a kayaking trip for the first time. Went hiking everyday with my family. Stood under a gushing waterfall. I looked out at the ocean the same color as the sky and I couldn't tell where the water ended and the sky began. I saw green sand for the first time (my favorite part of the trip). In order to get to green sands beach you had to park in the middle of no where Hawaii and walk 5(ish) miles to a cove -where you had to climb down the side of the rocks to get to the beach- it seemed that pretty much only locals knew of the spot. It had not been commercialized, there was no water fountains or vendors just God's pure simple beauty and I was encased by it. The waves were higher and more intense then anything I had ever seen before even the locals on there surf boards were cautious so of course my two older brothers decided to go out. I saw them getting thrashed by waves rolled around and they loved it! The feeling of freedom was exiting in that moment. 


When I was a Senior I went on my first trip without my family to Ethiopia, Africa. My parents were scared to death but they knew my heart was in Africa so I prayed a lot and eventually they let me go. Most people don't understand why you would want to go to a place thats often with out any running water, or electricity. They say it's a scary place, you can die there. Theres desies like AIDS and malaria. They don't have what Americans consider "roads" or stop lights or any sort of system to there driving. On one occasion we were driving from Project Mercy to Awassa for the grand opening of a library. It was like a 4 hour drive if I remember correctly. The "roads" were bumpy like a really long roller coaster and we often had to stop suddenly to let animals and people pass. now I am not one to usually get sick however I spent that day completely car sick and sick from my malaria medication. 


I am 19 years old now and I have seen unexplainable, unimaginable beauty and it has ruined any chance I have of seeing this world as normal. Yet of all the places I have traveled I will always feel the need to return to this poverty stricken country. The people who whisper that its not safe there, that I could die if I go back have some truth in these statements. Its Africa its not safe. Its Africa you might not come back. But if your heart is telling you to go.. then go. Come back with an appreciation for the sang "this is Africa." Take safety precautions and pray to God that you can make it back to tell everyone about life beyond there comfort zone. 


Go wherever your calling is and come back with pictures of people who have stolen your heart, come back with stories and memories. Come back and tell others that these pictures and stories of are of real people who just need to be loved like we all do. So leave your expectations and hesitations behind and see what the world has in store for your life. 

3.7.10

Im glad I wrote this I just need too. :)

Dear Grandpa,

I was on Facebook today and on the side it told me to "reconnect with you". I started crying (only a little bit though) It's been 4 months since your passing. It really doesnt feel like 4 months. In fact sometimes it doesnt even feel real. We are all there for Grandma and helping her to get through this rough time. We helped her move out of the house she lived in as a child and the house she then raised a family in with you. Her new house is really nice and it's close to Shawn and Michelles house! In a few weeks my Mom and I are taking Grandma on a trip with us to Conneticut to visit Kenny and Evlyn. I am hoping this will be alot of fun and a good get away for us three girls! My mom and I also plan to go to Boston for a day check out the city and visit my friend from high school. Everyone still misses you a ton but the strangeth you had in life is what is helping us. Pam and the girls organized a book we made about you. It is really great! It has the poem I wrote, the eulogy that Phil read at your funeral, memories that everyone wrote about, photos and quotes. It is truly a treasure. One day I will show it to my children and tell them about what a great man you were. We also have copies of the video Chad and Shawn made in memory of you. You had a strong set of moral values and were often caught performing random acts of kindness and I am hoping to follow in your path. I started a facebook event a little while ago because I wanted to see how far a random act of kindness like the ones you performed daily could go. I asked all my friends to buy coffee for the stranger behind them in line on July 5th. I am hoping this one day event will snowball into everyday acts of kindness! There even going to mention this event on the Grand Junction news! Tomarrow is Independence Day (the 4th of July) you were so patriotic in your service for our nation it truly takes strength, passion and bravery to serve in the marines like you did! So thank you! I just really needed to write this. Grandma told me you wrote poems too so maybe that is where I get my poetic creativeness from! As I wrote in my poem "Our finger prints don't fade from the lives we touch." I miss you like crazy!

Love love love (x a million), Andrea

playing for change

I go to the airport
Hop on the first 409
It’s Denver to Dallas
The city’s asleep tonight
I’m buying time
I look out the window
The world at my finger tips
Possibilities endless
I don’t know where to go with this
Guitar on my back
What it’s like to feel young
The freedom is freeing
But the dreams all sound dumb
I don’t want a nine to five
I don’t want to settle down just yet
I don’t want to leave this world with even one regret
I walk the streets
As the people walk to the bars
I am starting to realize this city is ours
I won’t sleep for days
As I watch the kids play
Guitar on my back
What it’s like to feel young
The freedom is freeing
But the dreams all sound dumb
The man on the corner
Holding a sign for change
But he doesn’t want money
Although it might sound strange
He's playing for change

16.6.10

Dear stranger, I'll love you more than you'll ever know!

I just cried when I saw this on www.Postsecret.com/


Frank Warren author of the site posted this: "I haven't heard from the person who mailed this postcard, but I have heard from many others who have felt lifted by this world-wide spontaneous act of kindness."
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He then posted photos of people offering hope:


Frank Warren also noted:
"Thank you for creating the "please don't jump" facebook group (http://www.facebook.com/pleasedonotjumpI am overwhelmed at the response and truly, deeply hope the author of the postcard is as well. Things have been rough for me, and even though the kind words are meant for another suffering soul, I have drawn strength from following these voices too... I wish there were more examples of this kind of love, hope, and support in our world."

PLEASE JOIN!
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Then Frank posted this email message from someone who read the post card:

"I read the Golden Gate Bridge postcard on PostSecret, visited the facebook page, and went to the bridge today [Sunday]. I have lived in San Francisco for 4 years and never once walked across the bridge. Today me and my roommate did for the first time because of this secret and I wanted to share with you my experience.

We walked about 3/4 across the bridge reading ribbons and messages along the way then decided to head back. On our way back I noticed a backpack against the bridge and thinking this was odd kept staring...soon noticing a person on the other side of the bridge. Me and my roommate stopped and stared over at this man sitting on the ledge of the bridge.

My roommate asked him if he was alright, which he replied "not really" but he stood up. She then asked him if he would come back on our side of the bridge. He climbed back over and we all just stood there awhile. He had a big scar down his neck and had also wet himself sometime sitting out on the ledge. I asked him his name and we introduced ourselves. My roommate asked him if she could call anyone for him and he replied no. He then put on his sweatshirt, grabbed his stuff, and walked away. We stood there watching him and the bridge police and security team pulled up and escorted this man into one of the cars.

I have no idea what is going to happen with this man, where he went, if he will try to jump or some other method again. All I know is today was my first day on the bridge, and because of postsecret and the support of all these individuals, we wanted to be a part of that support and through that we were able to be there for someone.

People do make a difference and even if the person who wrote the post secret has no idea of the effect that it has had, today it helped take someone off the Golden Gate Bridge."

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And I cried some more...
 
The best way I can express my feelings is through a song I wrote awhile ago for people I have known that committed suicide, those who have attempted and those I have never met this ones for you:
 
There's better days ahead
when your lying in your bed
the world slows to a crawl
you want to stop it all
but think before you fall
if I knew that you were hurting inside
why wont you confide in me?
I pray that you can make it
through the rain to see the rainbow
I pray for all those struggling
you are not alone
theres better days ahead
why wont the world slow down
shine light on the lost and make them found
one million every year
a cause that I hold dear
you are not alone
there's better days ahead
when your lying in your bed
the world slows to a crawl
you want to stop it all
but think before you fall

You can also check out another blog I wrote sometime ago on the issue: http://drea-heartoflife.blogspot.com/2010/01/so-i-recently-found-out-that-7th-grader.html

and one my friend wrote:



Thank you,
I didn't really know what to say but I felt I had to say something!

1-800-SUICIDE

Blogs I am currently following...

In no specific order...



  •  1000 Awesome Things is just a time-ticking countdown of 1000 awesome things. Launched June, 2008 and updated every weekday. Published as The Book of Awesome in April, 2010.


    • A photo blog with a photo a day from around the world.

    • Follows a vegabond attempting to cross every item off his "bucket list"
    •  

    •  Started by 3 Canadians this is one of the first ever MP3 Blogs. Each week they post a new song for download and then take it off seven days later. The songs can be hit and miss but overall impressive.



    • A satirical look by teachers for teachers on Americas education system. Often funny headlines, frequently sad/ disturbing. Teachers say they enjoy it because it makes them feel better about how they are handling there class rooms.



    • One of the most popular websites and blogs was the vision of Frank Warren who asked people to anonymously send in there secrets on post cards. Since the beginning over 3 books have been published and he has toured around the world sharing his phenomenon with others. My personal favorite. It's updated every Sunday and I always check!




    • In her last semester of High School she decided to follow only the advice offered in Seventeen Magazine to show what it would look like if a person lived there life by a magazines advice. Often witty, satirical, funny and ridiculous the blog before you cchronicles this journey from a (yes biased) sociological perspective. Highly entertaining and addictive.

    12.6.10

    More, more, more
    The biggest and the best
    Latest, greatest, most famous
    Most for the least
    Price tag on world peace
    Faster, master, disaster
    Advertising blaster
    Stuff, fluff
    Bang for your buck
    New, shiny
    Always whiny
    Lies, Best buys
    Mega-malls
    Barbie dolls
    Shopping
    Multi-million dollar flopping
    Stock market rocking
    Most shocking
    Hi-tech
    What the heck
    Skateboard deck
    Car go zoom
    Computer boom
    Up, Down
    All around
    Lost and found
    Changing
    Moving Always schmoozing
    Wine, dine
    Fine, fine, fine
    Diamonds, gold
    Trying to fit the mold
    Hold the phone
    Texting drone
    All alone.

    20.5.10

    21. The numbers game

    21. 
    $420million- Total prize money avaliable in the U.S during the tounament.
    2.1million- The total number of reported crimes from 2008-2009 in S. Africa.
    41,000- The number of police officers who will be deployed specifically for the world cup.
    330,000- number of visitors expected to travel to S.Africa during the world cup.
    204- the number of teams that attempted to qualify for one of the 31 seats avaliable at the world cup. The host nation automatically qualified.
    91- Nelson Mandela's age during the 2010 world cup.
    28- Number of countries that are providing referee's.
    18- The number of previous world cups.
    10- The number of stadium's in South Africa that will host matches during the tournament.
    5- The number of African nations that bid to host the world cup: South Africa, Egypt, Libya, Tunisia and Morocco.

    19.5.10

    22. Mia Hamm


    Mia Hamm, is a retired American soccer player. Hamm played many years as a forward for the United States women's national soccer team and was a founding member of the Washington Freedom. Hamm has scored more international goals in her career than any other player, male or female, in the history of soccer (158).She is the second most capped female player in history.




    Hamm was named the women's FIFA World Player of the Year the first two times that award was given (in 2001 and 2002), and is listed as one of FIFA's 125 best living players (as chosen by Pelé). Washington Post columnist Michael Wilbon called Hamm, "Perhaps the most important athlete of the last 15 years."



    She retired from the sport in 2004, when she played her last game in the 2004 Fan Celebration Tour to commemorate the U.S. women's national team's victory in the 2004 Olympics. In 2007, her first year of eligibility, she was selected for induction into the National Soccer Hall of Fame by having 137 votes of the 141 ballots cast. Women's Professional Soccer, a professional soccer league that launched in 2009, features Hamm's silhouette in its logo.


    18.5.10

    23 days untill the World Cup begins!

    So beginning today I will post a random FIFA World Cup fact and a soccer picture every day so stay tuned!



    23. Random Fact Of The Day FIFA- Brazil is the first team to ever win a World Cup outside of there continent. This was in 1958 when they beat Sweden at Stockholm.

    7.5.10

    Sex, sex, sex, puopularity

    An essay I wote for my 112 class! Check it!



    Sex, sex, sex, puopularity


    When you turn on the television and flip to any channel with a commercial playing I bet you their advertising will be based on either the theory that sex sells or that everyone else is doing it so therefore, you should too. I remember growing up, all the “cool kids’ shopped at Abercrombie. My mom refused to let me shop there arguing that not only were the clothes over priced but that there advertising was crude. Go look at an Abercrombie ad and the models that are supposedly advertising for a clothing company are half naked. At the time I was furious at my mother for not letting me shop there but in retrospect I am grateful to have such an honorable mother.

    When reviewing the ad “Virgin Atlantic 25 Years- Love At First Flight” I noticed it was based off of the two theories I mentioned above. The first theory sex sells is very prevalent in this commercial. First thing you see is an average Joe stepping out of a taxi into a crowded airport. All the people including the average Joe are faded by the dull, washed and dirty looking colors. The next thing you see is clips of bright red outfits and pumps that contrast against the otherwise dull setting. As the pieces come together you realize these vibrant colors are worn only by the most beautiful women who walk confidently towards the screen in a mob like fashion. As they walk everyone takes notice dropping cell phones, staring and even rushing towards them. Recent slogans from the Virgin Atlantic company that produced this commercial include; "More experience than the name suggests," "Virgin, seeks travel companion," "You never forget your first time," "Extra inches where it counts," "Fly a younger fleet," "One call does it all," "Hello gorgeous", and "We're better by four". Maybe it’s just me but I think all these slogans are suggesting one thing. Do I have to spell it out? S-E-X!

    As I watched and tried to analyze the commercial I noticed that peer pressure or the “cool factor” was used as an advertising method. The ad tried to convince me that if these beautiful and cool women were associated with Virgin Atlantic everyone else including me would want to be a part of that phenomenon. It showed people literally running after to join in on the fun. It even showed a little girl leaving her family behind to skip after and follow these beautiful flight attendances. The music was very techno and retro sounding and helped to add to the allure of these mysterious women.

    Much to my dismay, I do think these forms of advertising are effective on Americans especially my generation and younger. Come on, public school is all about fitting in, being a part of something “cool” and following the newest trends! Now I can look back on the Abercrombie incidents and laugh and I can laugh at people who take this commercial seriously but, at the end of the day I will admit there was a point in my life where this commercial would have made want to fly with Virgin Atlantic.

    3.5.10



    A funny postsecret on college!
    Today I have been feeling reminiscent and I have been reflecting on my first year at college. College to say the least is a constant up and down battle filled with moments of stress, moments of freedom. In  short some of the greatest yet most challenging moments of your life. To all future Freshman good luck to all my friends thank you for making this a year to remember!

    8.15.09
    First day of college and dorm stuff. I had a mini panic attack as soon as my family left. I am way to shy and hate meeting new people so I got the number of a girl I went to Creek with and we hung out together. We even went salsa dancing with her older cusion. It was suprisingly fun! My roomate seems cool but I havent seen her yet. Please let me fit in here! Please! I really want to wait need to like it here! No song that describes my experience thus far! -Peace

    This is straight from my hand journal and is exactlly how I remember feeling at the time. As for the girl from Creek our close friendship didnt last super long but I still think she is a great person and I do appriciate the friendship we had at the time. I think it saved me. In the end we were different people and we drifted apart and made different friends. It happens. Im just happy that we both found our own place here at Mesa. It's easy to go to college and get lost!

    8.17.09
    I followed a strangers advice. I sat down in my first class turned to the person next to me said "Hi im Andrea and Im a Freshman! How about you?" And thus I met someone cool in my theatre class (Shana). We had dinner together and watched almost famous in her hall! Sweet!


    I am happy to say Shana is still one of my really good friends even though we don't see eachother or hang out as much! She has really been there for me and is officially my friend since I got her into Freaks and Geeks! This proves that confidence, openess and friendliness will help you to spread your wings in college!

    8.25.09
    My new friend Josh remindes me of my friend Ian from high school. He is religious and keeps inviting me to a Christian group on campus. I am so un sure what I believe these days! College is amazing so far! I seem to talk about Ethiopia alot because I miss it there so much. I feel like college is already changing me but in a good way. I need to find a cherity organization to join on campus!


    My friend Josh is actually someone I met through Kat my Creek friend and I am glad I did. He has turned out to be one of my truest friends and I am sad that he is leaving next year. Who will take me on epic Walmart adventures at 1am? Or laugh with me for 20 minutes straight? He has also encouraged me to join TNL a Christian group on campus that has helped change my life! I grew so much in my faith during my first year at college. I also did find cheritys to help with The Humanitarian Club and cooking food at the Homeward Bound Homeless Shelter!

    8.26.09
    I decided to join RHC. Tonight me and Josh played ping pong with some random people from my hall. Classes are going pretty good. Math SUCKS! I need to get a tutor like now! My nose still hurts :( but thats ok everyone keeps laughing at me... Peace!


    This post just shows how ADD I am. First off joining RHC was the best thing I have done. I have made some awsome friends and had some awsome experiences. I orig. joined RHC because Coop told me I could win a free fish. I didn't win! To sound sappy ill just say I won much more than a free fish! lol. Second, Math did/ still does suck! I never got a tutor and some how passed that class. Still not sure how! Now to explain why my noes hurt its because I broke it. I was hanging out with Josh in his deadly room in Pinon. He told me to "run outside and look at something." To this day I sware I could feel a breeze from outside. It quickly turned into one of those Windex commercials and I was the bird. I ran at full speed only to crash head first into a closed glass door. I then bounced onto and off of his mini fridge causing the stuff on top to fly across the room. Next some kid down the hall said, "what was that?" And then came the laughing for a good 20 minutes. Lastly came the doctor!

    10.19.09
    Last writing feels so loooong ago! Oh how things have changed! I love being in my friend Stephanies room with her roomates and all the random people who crash there! Epic uno games are kinda my thing!


    This post says so much in such little words! Stephanie another GREAT friend who I am going to miss next year. Who will I "walk it out at Walmart" with? Go to the gym with? and laugh with? So the roomates and random people I reference above are now my best friends at Mesa and some of my future roomates! I think these people know who they are! I don't feel like listing...

    10.30.09
    Feel the rhythm
    feel the rhym
    come on Tolman
    its bob sleighed time


    This is referencing Tolman RHC's Homecomming Jamaica themed hall of epic awsomeness! umm yea!

    11.7.09
    Yesterday was a wierd day death seemed to be in the air. I woke up and for some reason had the urge to work on my bucket list. I have 43 items on the list and it keeps growing! Then in my Phsyc. class we learned about this girl who died of Alchohol posioning in California. It was really sad and for some reason really effected me. The crazy part was that 3 months before she died she said she had a preminition that she was going to die soon. So she wrote this goodbye letter to all her friends and family. You can read it online its really very sad.The parents found it in her room not long after she died. I can't decide weather a letter would make the situation better or worse. It's wierd to me that it wasnt a suicide.


    I remember this as being a wierd day. That is all.


    11.21.09
    Wow a year ago to day I was in Ethiopia- thats crazy!

    11.25.09
    I miss Ethiopia so much! I miss Project Mercy, Mother Teresas, Dinner at Rick Hodes house and my friend Lem Lem. It has been one year and I have changed so much! As thanks giving rolls around I am more thankfull than ever!

    3.31.10
    My grandpa passed away Monday morning. :'(

    This was probably the hardest thing I had to deal with during my Freshman year. It was even  harder being 5 hours away from my family when this happened and 8 hours away from my Grandma! I remember sitting in my dorm room crying my eyes out that day. I still cry when I think about my Grandpa. Everyones Freshman experience is different but I don't doubt that everone will hit some hard times!
    4.8.10
    This week I was honored with the job as RHA Executive Board President!!!!! I am super exited but also nervous as hell! IT WILL BE GREAT! I WILL BE GREAT!

    As I mentioned before joining RHC was HUGE during my first year of college RHA is what oversee's RHC. I applied had an interview and eventually got elected president for next year. This means a scholarship but mostly I am truly exited for the job and am exited for the people I will be working with! Sierra and Autumn! Were gonna rock it! (But it wont be easy!)

    4.11.10
    As I recently learned "don't worry about tommarrows problems today!" I think this is something I can take away and apply to real life. I need to especially next year when I will add a time consuming job to my crazy shedule. I am rooming with Brittany next year and i am exited! My suitemates are Sarah and Kristen! Should be great! Gandhi said, "anything you do in life will be insignificant but its very important that you do it!" More and more I am starting to believe this is true. I want to always remmbder the every day moments for these will define you! These are the important things the little things! I hope and pray I never forget this and never lose my spirit for life. I want to remember the time I laughed with my best friend, cried over a boy who wasnt worth my time, sat in class bored to tears and did a happy dance or a "go team!" I want to remember this and that is why I write! I am here REMEMBER ME!

    Nuff said...

    These are just some random highlights from my Freshman year. I left out alot of my more personal writings including those on crushes and boys, some self image issues I have had this year and other ones that are best left a secret only to be read upon my death. I also didnt post any of my poems because I am very self concious of my writings!


    Love, Dandy Andy

    "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."- Ferris Buller

    *Not all Journal post are on this post I kinda skipped around!


    26.4.10

    My only friend



    In 7th grade your words hung around me like a noose strangling my individuality
    I came to beLIEve every lie all the propaganda that came in one ear and never out the other.
    And you were my only friend.
    The night I sat there crying as the red and blue lights flashed shadows on the stairs above me.
    Listening as the cops lectured you.
    The look of failure in my mother’s eyes.
    And you were my only friend.
    The day you left beginning the rest of your life without me as your mini side kick.
    This classic rite of passage left a hole burning in my heart.
    Your phone calls every few weeks and trips home did not satisfy this emptiness.
    And you were my only friend.
    I remember the first time we kissed beneath the stars like diamonds in the sky like the dimond I pictured you someday bowing on one knee and placing on my finger
    and a few months later when you almost died.
    The scar you left across my heart will never fade away like you did when you chose drugs over me.
     And you were my only friend.
    Then sophomore year when the only guy to ever call me beautiful ran away never to be seen again.
    Looking in the mirrors I did not feel beautiful, I felt damaged and alone.
    And you were my only friend.
    The last day of high school, first day of college. I sat alone in "my" new room too nervous to talk to anyone I cried because I was terrified because I was all alone.
    And you were my only friend.
    When my Grandfather passed away tears streaming down my face.
    Recollections of him laughing only a few months earlier.
    The plans we had made to go to Mexico for a family reunion that he wouldn't be able to attend.
    And you were my only friend.
    Your lyrics wrap around me on cold, dark days and encourage me to keep going.
    They pump me up for my soccer games when its nice out.
    You are the only one who has been there through it all.

    Music my best friend.

    11.4.10

    I will write about my awsome weekend later w/ pictures to follow but now I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY

    SO LISTEN UP...

    Today I was sitting on top of the stairs leading to one of the girls rooms at the Cascade Lodge. It was quite time and I was reading my old enteries in my hand journal. I was reading one perticular entery from my Senior year.


    11/18
    Today was an emotionally intense day! I saw this guest speaker two periods in a row. He talked about the shooting at Columbine. His sister was the first one shot on that day. He talked about the legacy she left behind and the impact she had on his life. He related her compassion to others to Ann Frank. Then he talked about "The Challange" that is to basically be a good person and give back to others. He also talked about what happened to him during the shootings. He was in the library with his two best friends when the shooters came in. To his one friend they yelled racial slurs and shot him dead and the last thing he said was "I want my Mom." His other friend was also shot right before his eyes. It was a miricle he was saved! The speaker emphisized telling everyone that you love them. This kid named "Bob" is a little socially akward and he tends to get made fun of. Anyway, he came up to me after the speech and told me, "I want you to know you have been my really good friend." I started crying in front of my teachers because I felt so guilty. This kid was telling me how niced I had been to him when in actuality I often tried to ignore him. I felt like a horrible person, I was a horrible person. I vow to never treat a great person like that again. Tomarrow I leave for Ethiopia I hope I don't cry when I am there...

    I am sorry to myself and to others. I have not lived up to be the person I wanted to be. I am judgemental (of myself and others). I don't reach out to those I don't understand. I guess this makes me human but I want more. I want to be better. I know I am better than this. In order to stop juding others I need to first stop judging myself. I need to love myself and im not there yet... Working on it with God though and that's all I can ask.

    <3

    1.4.10

    Our finger prints don't fade from the lives we touch R.I.P

    So as many of you know my amazing Grandpa Everett Leroy Small passed away last Sunday. My Grandpa was a Christian for as long as I knew him. A few weeks before he died they asked everyone at Sunday school to write down how they knew they were a Christian here is what he wrote:

    I am a friend to our Savior-
    Content, full trust with no hesitation
    Glad to have the gift of the Holy Spirit
    To guide me for the purposes He has for me
    Waiting for Him to take the wedding party
    To the Fathers house where He has a room for me

    I have been trying and struggeling to wrote a poem about my Grandpa. Here is what I have so far come up with.

    Our finger prints don't fade from the lives we touch
    But i'll miss you so much
    Your smell, your laugh, your touch
    I'll do my best to keep my head heald high
    For this is not goodbye
    I'll see you in Heaven
    This I know is true
    For Jesus drew a plan for both me and for you
    When I look up in the sky
    I'll see the brightest star
    And know that you are with me
    Even  from afar
    As the song begins to play
    With each passing day
    the lyrics start to fade
    Now the lyrics are self made
    Like the ones you used to sing
    All the smiles that they'd bring
    Like you always used to say
    Wouldn't want it to go to waste
    But don't worry these memories won't be erased
    I pray
    When I enter the gates one day
    That you will be there to greet me
    Because only you can complete me
    I will always remember
    Our finger prints don't fade from the lives we touch

    28.3.10

    "I can only imagine" Goblin Valley, UT

    What it will be like when I walk by your side..

    Another great couple of days I am truly blessed. Starting with Friday my birthday! My friends "suprised" me haha I knew it was comming and took me to Chipotle, to see the movie Remember me and ice skating. Thanks to everyone who came to all the shanagans or part of them. I had fun, and reluctently ice skating was not as bad as I thought. Thanks Chris for litterally putting skates on my feet. My birthday was the best! I have amazing friends!

    I can only imagine What my eyes will see When your face Is before me I can only imagine...

    Then on Saturday I left Grand Junction and went camping in Goblin Vally, Utah. We got there after a 3(ish) hour car ride which was a-lot of fun just listening to music, reflecting and looking out the window. We set up camp (the girls kinda lost the tent race but we redeamed ourselves when we took it down quickly!)
    Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel Will I dance for you Jesus or in honour of you be still?

    Then we went on a beautiful hike that was tons of fun! The hike was phsyically, mentally, socially and spiriitually beautiful. I especially enjoyed the hike back because I learned alot about two friends who I hadent really connected with yet. We told eachother our life stories and where we were at in our walk with God. I learned alot about these people a grew to respect them on a deeper level. I am really glad I got this opportunity with them.
    Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall? Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all?

    Then we went back to camp. I helped start a fire! The girls sat around the camp fire talking and getting to know each other with a Q and A game. It was fun! Meanwhile the boys were exploring the surrounding moutains and making it up and down in what must be reccord setting times.We eventually ate dinner and made the classic smore's. Yum! We ended the night with lots of really beautiful wworship songs  That tugged on my heart.

    I can only imagine   I can only imagine   I can only imagine


    Sleep that night was few and far between. I was so colddddd it became hard to sleep. Note: Cheep $10 Walmart sleeping bags are not the best! Oh well I surrvived and woke up in time for oatmeal and muffins. Then we packed up and went hiking in Goblin Valley.

    When that day comes. When I find myself. Standing in the Son...

    We hiked around find nooks and crannies to crawl up and stood on top the tall rocks seen to your right. The scenery, views and fellowship was amazing!



    I can only imagine When all I will do Is forever.
    Forever worship You.
    I can only imagine
    I can only imagine.

    25.3.10

    "All that I'm after is a life full of laughter."-Daughtry Life after you

    Wow! So many wonderful things have happened in my life in the past week! We will start with last Friday when I went go karting with friends and caused a huge accidentt! Opps! :p Last Sunday I climbed Mt. Garfield a pretty notorious hike in Junction. My Speech teacher said that if you can do that hike you can do pretty much any hike! :) and I made it to the top in time to see the sunrise! It was 2,000 vertical ft. thought I was going  to die but I made it! The pain was so worth it!
    Then Sunday at 4 I left to go to Homeward Bound Homless shelter where I cooked food for 150 people. I made lots of delicious bread and even made some new friends! Working at the shelter really gave me a since of peace. For the first time in forever I felt like God had placed me right where I was needed! I cant wait untiil I recieve the chance to go back. I hope its soon!
    Then yesterday...
    On my campus at school there are people who hold stay positive signs by the busy road. Anyway today they had a boot where you could make your own signs. I saw a guy holding a sign that said You are beautiful! I gave the guy a look that said me? and he looked at me and smiled! It was the best moment of my day!
    If your out there thank you random stranger! Whoever your with now weather you know them or not tell them there beautiful. It might just make there day or even there week!

    Then today I played tennis with my friends! Something I had not done in years. I am still as bad as I was then but it was a blast! Next time I am making my friends play soccer with me! I loved playing indoor soccer on Thursdays and am sad the season is over! After tennis I attempted to workout in the gym but was too ADD to stay focused on one piece of equiptment so I decided to drag my friend Josh along and go rock climbing. This was something I hadn't done since my Freshman year of HS Kick Ass Adventure Class! It was a sweet class where we rock climbed and jumped off tall things frequently. I am going again tomarrow!

    Tomarrow is also my birthday I turn 19 which is pretty cool I guess. We will see what is in store for me...Then on Saturday I leave to go on the Utah camp trip! soooo exited!

    -D


    8.3.10

    Life list

    1. Learn to long board
    2. Tell my secret to a stranger  
    3. Buy a strangers grocerys
    4. Do something nice for my mom
    5. Learn to ride a bike
    6. Write a song that gets performed
    7. Spend Christmas at a homeless shelter
    8. Go to The Burning Man
    9. Visit Salvation Moutain
    10. Raft the Nile
    11. Visit the bus where Christopher McCandeless lived
    12. See a meteor shower
    13. Climb a 14er
    14. Stand in two places at once
    15. Make a documentary/learn video editing 
    16. Visit the first Starbucks
    17. Perform one of my poems
    18. Read the entire Bible
    19. Listen to every itunes song I own in one sitting
    20. Meet one of my hero's/idols
    21. Own my own pet
    22. Make an extreme cake
    23. Collect over 500 vinyle reccords
    24. Paint a picture
    25. Give someone a hair cut
    26. Learn to play the drums
    27. Take a photography class
    28. Learn to snowboard
    29. Watch the sunrise and sun set  
    30. Watch all of the 100 greatest movies of all time
    31. Volunteer abrod for atleast a year
    32. Visit Europe
    33. Break a reccord
    34. See all 7 wonders of the world
    35. Learn sign language'
    36. Get a tattoo
    37. Get my teaching license  
    38. Be on Tv
    39. Over come a fear
    40. See Alaska
    41. Go on a road trip
    42. Hich hike
    43. Go kayaking
    44. Go rafting
    45. Go paintballing
    46. Go sky diving 
    47. Visit Mother Teresas orphanage
    48. Tell my story to a lifes stranger
    49. Speak in front of a crowd
    50. Learn how to screen print
    51. Learn a new skill
    52. Make a new friend
    53. Make a positive difference  
    54. Stand up for something I believe in
    55. Adopt kids  
    56. Fall in love
    57. See a World Cup soccer game LIVE
    58. Visit the Rock and Roll hall of fame
    59. See Mount Kilamanjaro
    60. Visit Greece
    61. Learn to appriciate chess

    What I want in life.




    I want to fly, I want to soar high above the clouds and feel there mist, I want to climb atop one of the highest moutains and screem untill I lose my breath, I want to see a flower bloom, watch a mother give birth, I want to dance in the rain, fall in love, I want to sing to the music playing in my soul, I want to save a life maybe 5, I want to create a master piece, stand in awe of a merical, Laugh untill my abs are to sore to move, I want to teach someone to live, Smile everyday, I want to befriend a stranger, Feel the pain of a first love, I want to cry because I am happy, I want LIFE and all of it the GOOD, the BAD and the UGLY.

    6.3.10

    Hakuna matata

    So in the past few weeks I have been more stressed than my usual "stress free" lifestyle so for me stress is a little overwhelming... Not sure I really know how to handle it. Its sad my blog or journal or whatever this is is suppossed to be the one place where I can share the truth but I can't because saying it out loud will make it real. I confided in one of my best friends from Denver- told them what was going on because I said I had alot to talk about and they asked what it was. I told them over text (lame I know) and they didn't respond...they didn't say a fucking thing. I told them because I wanted to some to talk to and they let me down.

    I just want everyone to know that I am ok. I am just dealing with some uhh stuff (not to worry) but I am still really loving school in Junction and most days are pretty good and normal. I am proud my soccer team scored six points at our last game and the tourni is comming up! I am applying for RHA board positions that I really hope I get! It would be a huge honor! Today was great spent 10(ish) hours in a movie theatre with my two brothers! I am currently in Denver for break and will be hanging out w. some besties before heading to New Mexico to see my Grands for a few days then back to GJ!

    Hiking next mod! yeyeyeye!

    Oh and I wrote and performed a rap about Bluebeard who kills all his wives! Thats whats up!

    -D
    "Its a worrie free philosophy.."-Lion King!